


Our Gentle Sin

by indelibleink89



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, I started this fic early last year so thats when I'm saying it's set, Lots of cursing because Gavin and also Hank, M/M, Minor violence eventually i guess, and weird religious fanatics, i like giving Gavin a proper character it's my kink, idk there's nothing now so no need to worry, no beta we die like men, there's more action and mystery later in the fic i promise, this is a new pairing for me so be kind, this is my sad attempt at annoyance to lovers or whatever
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:41:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 37,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23743216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indelibleink89/pseuds/indelibleink89
Summary: The first time Gavin saw him, Connor Anderson was sprinting through the Detroit Police Department like he was training for the Olympics. Nothing in Gavin sparked as mild curiosity turned his head to follow the young man’s movements. A strange sense of longing didn’t pull at him as Connor handed the old Lieutenant what looked to be a cell phone. His heart didn’t stutter when Connor turned to leave and caught his eye. There was nothing there to suggest that Gavin would fall for him, would get so entangled in his life that he’d end up in a hospital bed not even a year later.But, he did. And he would.If only fate could have warned him.
Relationships: Connor & Upgraded Connor | RK900, Connor/Gavin Reed, Hank Anderson & Connor, Hank Anderson & Gavin Reed, Upgraded Connor | RK900 & Gavin Reed
Comments: 35
Kudos: 108





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo this is a fic that I started early last year and never did too much with. Then I randomly had inspo to continue it, so I figured I would go ahead and start posting it. Even though I have multiple other fics I could be continuing atm. You know how it goes. Anyway, I hope you like it!
> 
> Also, obligatory 'I don't know anything about police work but I'm trying my best.'

The first time Gavin saw him, Connor Anderson was sprinting through the Detroit Police Department like he was training for the Olympics. Nothing in Gavin sparked as mild curiosity turned his head to follow the young man’s movements. A strange sense of longing didn’t pull at him as Connor handed the old Lieutenant what looked to be a cell phone. His heart didn’t stutter when Connor turned to leave and caught his eye. There was nothing there to suggest that Gavin would fall for him, would get so entangled in his life that he’d end up in a hospital bed not even a year later. 

But, he did. And he would. 

If only fate could have warned him.

It wasn’t until the third time Gavin noticed him in the precinct that he even spoke to the guy. It wasn’t that he wasn’t attractive. Gavin was actually somewhat of a fan of the curly haired, stupidly tall type. Unfortunately, it hadn’t been hard to figure out that Connor was Anderson’s kid. He had zero interest in getting more involved with the old man than was necessary. To say they didn’t get along would be a bit of an understatement. He could still clearly remember the last argument they’d gotten into. Captain Fowler had sent them both home early without pay that day. 

Still, communication was unavoidable as Connor went careening into him on one (not so fine) morning as Gavin meandered towards the break room. He’d had little time to react when the movement in the corner of his eye pushed his gaze up from the game he’d been playing on his phone before he went shoulder first into the wall. 

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ.” He growled, fire in his eyes as his gaze found Connor’s apologetic expression. “Do you ever fucking walk anywhere?” 

“Sorry, sorry!” Connor replied, clearly torn between making sure Gavin was alright and continuing his mad dash to wherever the hell he was going.

Clutching his shoulder, Gavin could already feel a bruise forming. _’Great.’_ He thought. _’Another to add to the collection.’_ If he had a dollar for every bruise he’d ever gotten…

“Whatever, just stop running through the place before I taser you. This isn’t a damn playground, it’s a police station.” Honestly, he didn’t even fucking work here.

“Sorry, I-” Connor’s second attempt at an apology was cut off by a new, gruffer voice.

“Taser my kid, Reed, and I throw this coffee in your ugly face.” Lieutenant Hank Anderson strode into view and Gavin caught sight of the styrofoam cup in his hand. 

While being drenched in scalding hot coffee didn’t sound very appealing, it was almost worth it to get out some of his frustration. Gavin wasn’t exactly having the best of days and he didn’t need Anderson and his weirdo son making it any harder than it had to be. Though, something told him that trying to explain how he was making absolutely zero headway in the human trafficking case he’d been working for the past month would be utterly pointless. 

Instead, Gavin merely glared daggers at Hank and spat, “Put him on a leash, then. Before he knocks over someone less friendly than me.” 

Hank barked out a humorless laugh at that, already starting to lead Connor away as he countered, “While I’m at it, I’ll get you a muzzle.” 

As he watched the two make their way towards Anderson’s desk, Gavin wondered just how much bad karma beating up an old man would earn him. He really couldn’t afford much more. So with a huff, he continued his trek to the break room, ready to inject the coffee straight into his veins.

____

The rain that pounded against the window of the small coffee shop he was currently inhabiting almost comforted Gavin as he poured over the case file he’d swiped from work. He wasn’t technically supposed to take it home with him, but there weren’t many people willing to stop him if they noticed. He had a bit of a reputation around the station and most tended to stay away from him as a result. He didn’t mind, of course. There were only a few of his fellow officers that he even _wanted_ to deal with in the first place. It wasn’t his fault that everyone else was so damned annoying. 

Gavin’s therapist had once described him as ‘not a people person’. A bit of an understatement, but true nonetheless. It was just easier that way. His career goal was to be the best, not the most liked.

Not that he could really call himself the best when he couldn’t figure out why more than twenty teenagers had gone missing in the past ten years. They’d all ranged from age 13 to 18, all taken within a five mile radius of each other, and all had been described as fairly athletic. His best guess had been that they were being sold into some kind of slavery. It could have been for drugs, could have been sexual, or so many other reasons. His only real lead to go on had been witnesses who described seeing suspicious individuals in strange masks. Based on descriptions, the masks had been mostly a metallic silver with the characters ‘rA9’ written in red on the forehead. 

Gavin still had no idea what the fuck that was supposed to mean. None of his contacts had ever heard of ‘rA9’ or anything like it. Maybe it was the name of the organization that was abducting the kids, though he wasn’t sure why they’d want to announce it so plainly. Unless they were trying to make a statement. It would have been nice of them to make it a little more obvious, though.

Heaving a frustrated sigh, Gavin looked up from the folder, rubbing his tired eyes before he stared out into the storm. He’d never much liked rain. In Detroit, it was always cold and unforgiving. Similar to pretty much everything else about this city. Then again, no matter how cold it could get, he would never regret moving here. In a place like this, it had been so easy to start over, to pretend his past wasn’t the shit show that it was. Here he could be anyone that he wanted to be. It was almost a shame that he chose… this. 

“Excuse me.” A voice startled Gavin from his thoughts and he turned eyes as stormy as the sky on whomever had decided to intrude on his brooding. To his surprise, he saw familiar brown eyes staring back at him. Looking away from his face, Gavin noticed a coffee cup in his hand, a backpack hanging from his shoulder, as well as the clear stance of someone ready to dart away if given any chance. 

With another heavy sigh, Gavin closed the file he’d been looking at, hoping Connor hadn’t noticed its contents. The last thing he needed was to have the guy running back to daddy to tell on Gavin for taking DPD property outside. 

“What do you want?” Gavin all but growled, he wasn’t in the mood for whatever this was going to be.

Frowning a bit, Connor replied, “I wanted to apologize for running into you yesterday. Sometimes I get caught up in my own head and don’t pay attention to my surroundings. My father says that one day I’m going to end up walking right off of a bridge if I don’t figure it out.” It looked as if Connor was now trying to offer a pragmatic smile, though it didn’t quite land. 

It was almost endearing. Almost.

“Yeah, whatever, don’t worry about it.” Gavin attempted to wave him away, but Connor didn’t move.

“Also,” Connor started, earning a disgruntled noise from the cop who only wanted to finish his coffee in peace, “I know that you and my father have… bad blood. I’ve heard stories about you on more than one occasion.” 

Gavin rolled his eyes at this, “Great for you. Goodbye.” For some reason, he was still hoping against hope that Connor would leave now. He was wrong, of course. 

Instead of leaving, Connor moved forward to sit in the seat across the table from a now confused Gavin. “I think that you two should try to come to some sort of agreement.” He said, a strange determination now on his face.

“Sorry, what?” Gavin asked, wondering if this kid had hit his head recently or something.

“My father isn’t the easiest man to like, but he’s not a bad person. There has to be some sort of understanding that you can come to. To avoid any future problems.” 

To be honest, Gavin didn’t know what to say to this for a moment. What could Connor possibly gain from the two of them getting along? Aside from maybe hearing less about whatever petty tiff they’d found themselves in that week. Still, he had to ask, “What does it matter to you? Some people just don’t get along. That’s life.” Gavin didn’t really have time or energy for this.

“It matters to me because my father matters to me.” Connor replied as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. To most other people, maybe it was. But, to Gavin the concept of caring about you father was a bit far fetched. “As much as he likes to play tough, his… heart isn’t what it used to be.” The pause made Gavin wonder if Connor had wanted to say something else. He had to admit that his curiosity was piqued. If only a little. “It’s hard enough to get him to take medication as it is. I would appreciate it if there are as few opportunities for his blood pressure to send him to the hospital as possible.” 

“You do realize he’s a cop, right?” Gavin couldn’t help the sharpness in his voice at this.

With an equally sharp look, Connor answered, “Yes. So when he’s more upset at a coworker than a criminal, I think someone should intervene.” 

It was hard not to feel like he’d been slapped under that gaze, though Gavin was sure as hell not going to show it. “Listen kid, I’m not some high school bully. I don’t need a scolding from mommy. If he leaves me alone, I’ll leave him alone. As simple as that.” 

Connor didn’t seem to believe this as he continued, “Look. I don’t say this very often, but… please.” Something in his expression changed and Gavin found his sarcasm dying on his lips. “I don’t know why you hate each other so much, but just please let it go. Whatever petty drama gets stirred up, just let it die. I can’t-” He stopped, rerouting once again, eyes softening, “He’s been through a lot. Just ignore him. There are a lot of things he says that he doesn’t mean.”

He didn’t know why, but Gavin found himself saying, “Fine.” instead of the countless other rude things that could have found their way out of his mouth. Something about Connor’s stupid, dumb eyes was making it increasingly difficult to be an ass. No matter how easily that normally came to the Detective. Gavin didn’t necessarily _care_ about Hank’s health, but he didn’t exactly want to put him in a grave, either. He didn’t think he could really practice more sympathy towards the man, but maybe apathy would help him in this case. Hell, it had helped him before.

“Thank you.” Connor said so genuinely that Gavin could only blink at him. “Also, sorry he threatened to throw hot coffee on you.” He continued, looking down at the cup that now rested three inches from Gavin’s file. “He wouldn’t actually do that.”

Despite himself, Gavin chuckled at this, “I’m not so sure about that. Besides, I did threaten you first.” He figured he should apologize for that, but he knew he wouldn’t. “Just be happy he cares enough to do it. My old man would be more likely to scald _me_ than anyone else. You’re lucky.” 

Even though Gavin’s voice had been nonchalant, Connor’s expression turned mildly horrified as he exclaimed, “That’s terrible!” 

With a shrug, Gavin waved it off, “Eh. That’s why he doesn’t get invited over for Christmas dinner.” It didn’t matter that Gavin’s Christmas dinner normally consisted of pizza and whiskey, but still. He was much happier alone than anywhere near his family. “That’s the beauty of being an adult. You don’t have to be around the family you hate.” 

Connor blinked at this, murmuring probably more to himself than to Gavin, “If only the opposite were also true.” 

Gavin wasn’t sure what to think of that, so he ignored it and reached for his coffee instead. “Well, you obviously came here for a reason that wasn’t related to me. Don’t let me take up any more of your time.” Another attempt at goodbye went unheeded as Connor frowned down at the backpack that now rested at his feet.

“I came to work on my paper.” Connor said as if Gavin had asked. Which he hadn’t. “Though, I don’t have much urge to do so.” 

After a swig of his drink, Gavin decided to play along for the moment. Maybe it would get him to leave faster. “Writer’s block?” 

“You could say so. I’ve only written it twice. Normally by now I’d be on my fourth draft. But, I’ve been… preoccupied.” 

“Okay.” Gavin said, stretching out the ‘o’ sound of the word. He resisted the urge to ask who the hell writes one paper four times. Hell, Gavin could barely get one draft done when he’d been in high school. Sometimes he still wondered how he’d graduated on time.

Oh, yeah. He was smart. Though, apparently not as smart as this kid.

“Yes, it’s quite out of the ordinary for me.” Connor nodded as if Gavin were supposed to know what his ordinary was. Something told him that it wasn’t very ordinary, at all.

Gavin eyed him for a moment before deciding to ask, “Don’t want to be a cop like daddy, then?” It _was_ a little amusing thinking of this kid running head first into danger. He looked more like someone who’d be in a lab, away from sunlight and the rest of humanity.

Connor seemed to find the question as equally amusing as Gavin’s thoughts as he answered, “No. I did think about it for a long time, but… I was never the one who’d follow in his footsteps. I chose Bioengineering instead.” 

“Ugh. Why?” Gavin made a face at this. As smart as he claimed to be, Gavin would never be able to go into a career like that without falling asleep constantly. 

“Because I can still help people that way. Besides, it’s terribly interesting.” 

“Interesting isn’t exactly the word I’d use.” 

“Why? Because it doesn’t involve beating up bad guys?” 

“Obviously.” 

Connor laughed at this and, despite himself, Gavin felt a smile make its way on his face. He quickly pushed it off, though, as he went for another sip of coffee. He was definitely not starting to find this kid endearing. Not at all.

“I have to admit that detective work does sound fun. I’ve always liked puzzles. Though, some have told me that I lack the proper empathy to be a police officer.” Connor shrugged, eyes going downcast.

Gavin raised an eyebrow at this. “Considering you were just berating me about your father’s physical and emotional health, I’d say that’s bullshit.” If anyone lacked empathy out of the two of them, Gavin was the clear winner. 

Connor offered him a small smile at that. “You sound like my brother.” 

With a sly grin, Gavin replied, “He must be a smart man, then.” 

“He was.” Connor nodded, looking away again as his smile faded.

Oh. Well.

“Ah. Shit, sorry.” Gavin shifted in his seat, rubbing his neck. Well, that turned awkward fast.

Another shrug as Connor moved his gaze to the rain that was still relentless outside. “It’s alright. I didn’t expect you to know. It’s been almost a decade, but it’s not exactly work buddy conversation.”

And Gavin and Hank weren’t exactly buddies to begin with.

Still, he didn’t know what to say to this. Mourning people wasn’t really his specialty. He’d never met anyone in his life that he would ever truly miss. Thoughts of what could have been were so much worse when you loved someone. At least, he assumed they were. 

Silence settled over the two for a time before Connor finally stirred, standing from his chair. “Anyway.” He started, evidently trying to sound cheery once more. “Thank you for understanding about my father. One day I hope to stop having to force feed him his Hydrochlorothiazide, but for now this is a good step in the right direction.” He stuck out his hand for Gavin to shake, which he did wordlessly. With a nod, he took his things and disappeared into the wet evening.

Gavin watched him leave in a trance of sorts. He may have just been one of the most odd people he’d ever met, but for some reason he kind of liked it. Kind of.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm giving ya'll the second chapter already because I already had it written out before I posted. I hope you like it!

They say that once you meet someone the universe wants you around, you start to see them everywhere you go. Gavin didn’t necessarily believe in fate or anything like that, but he did notice just how much more he was running into Connor Anderson after their coffee shop conversation. Sometimes it was in the same shop, sometimes it was at the grocery store or the gas station. 

Connor always made it a point to stop and say hello. Something that Gavin found less and less irritating every time. Eventually, whenever Connor came strolling his way, a smile on his face, Gavin actually welcomed it. He hadn’t realized how much he’d grown used to being alone outside of his job. Maybe it was nice to have companionship that lasted more than a night. Even if it was a friendship with Hank Anderson’s son.

Speaking of the old man, Gavin had been keeping his word pretty well when it came to not goading him on. It was an odd feeling not getting into an argument with Hank every other day, but he didn’t hate it. At the very least, it seemed to make Connor happy. 

It had been a little over a month since their first meeting when Gavin threw caution to the wind and did something he’d not expected to do. 

They were back at the same table, two coffees separating them. It had been a long day of Gavin not getting very far in any of his open cases and he needed to let off a little steam. 

“You ever been to a club?” He asked suddenly, interrupting Connor as he attempted to explain the lecture he’d sat through that morning. 

“What?” Was his only response, brown eyes wide in confusion.

“A club. You know, a place you go to dance and have fun, get shit faced. Naughty things.” A grin lit up his face at the surprise in Connor’s expression. 

“Oh, uh, no. I don’t think I have. It isn’t exactly… my scene.”

“Well,” Gavin started, grin growing, “how about we change that. Tonight. I know a perfect place to get you started. I can show you the ropes.” 

Connor frowned at this, asking, “You want to go to a club with me?” At Gavin’s nod, he continued. “Why?”

With a small chuckle, Gavin answered, “Because I think it would be fun. Also, no offense, but I have a feeling you don’t get out much. I don’t think I’ve heard you talk about anything other than school, your dad, or your dad’s dog.”

Gavin declined to add that he didn’t really have any other friends to go with in the first place. Something about going alone now seemed… sad.

Connor’s frown only deepened, “I don’t know…”

He trailed off and Gavin took the opportunity to speak again, “Come on. It’ll be fun. And I’ll be right there to keep you safe. Promise.” 

Gavin gave him a thousand watt smile and Connor finally seemed to break. “Alright. I guess I could… take a break and try something new. If you really want me to, Detective.” 

“I really do.” Gavin nodded to reaffirm his statement. “And you don’t have to call me Detective.” 

At this, Connor’s smile widened and Gavin knew it was going to be a good night.

—-

This was a very bad, incredibly dumb thing to do. Especially right now, when he really should be leaving. It was supposed to be a night dedicated to letting off steam and having fun, not dragging up past trauma. Gavin knew this, but here he sat, Google search open on his laptop, the words already typed into the search bar. The curiosity had been plaguing him for weeks now, but he’d avoided looking. He wasn’t sure if it was out of respect or something else. But, if it was public knowledge, certainly it wasn’t terrible to learn…

He tapped the enter button and the search results hurried to fill his screen. At the very top was an article headline that read, “Police Detective’s Son Missing In Scandal”. 

This was a bad idea.

Gavin clicked on the link, bringing up the website for the Detroit News and frowned at the photo that accompanied it. A face that was almost identical to Connor’s stared at him. The only difference was the cool gray of his eyes, so different from the warm brown he was used to seeing. It almost looked photoshopped.

He moved on from the picture and skimmed the top of the article. Connor had said that it’d been almost a decade since he’d lost his brother, the 2011 date stamp confirmed this. Still, Gavin could remember where he was at this time. While the Andersons were mourning their loss, he was celebrating his victory of making it into the academy. The unfairness tugged at him, but he shoved it away before reading on.

_”Seventeen-year-old Aiden Anderson has been officially declared deceased after convicted felon Devin Hightower confessed to the horrific crime early last Monday. Hightower had been on the run from the Detroit Police after Detective Hank Anderson led a raid on his residence in search of Red Ice. The DPD found more than 20 pounds of the drug hidden throughout the place, but Hightower had already fled the scene._

_It was merely one week later that Aiden, Detective Anderson’s teenaged son, was reported missing. Despite the heroic efforts of the DPD, they were unable to locate the child before it was too late. Hightower has gone on record saying that he took the boy and drowned him in the Detroit River out of revenge for Anderson’s raid. Police combed the waters to the best of their ability, but have yet to retrieve a body.”_

Disgust filled Gavin to the brim and he found that he very much did not want to continue reading. His question had been answered well enough. Taking a deep breath to calm the anger that he felt on behalf of Connor, and even Hank, he closed the article and sat back. He’d expected to find an obituary, not a heinous crime. Not that he could really say he was surprised. At this point in his career, Gavin had stumbled on some of the worst people in the world. 

He hadn’t been in Detroit when Red Ice had been at an all time high, but he’d heard about it from coworkers who had been. He remembered hearing that Hank had taken down some of the biggest offenders, but no one had mentioned what had happened to his son. He didn’t blame them, though. It was personal. As insufferable as Hank could be now, he couldn’t imagine what he must have been like just after it had happened. Maybe it was for the best that Gavin hadn’t known him then. Still, he couldn’t help feeling pity towards the old man. Even someone like Gavin, who’d never had close family, knew that losing a child that you actually loved was nothing but horror.

Not to mention how hard it must have been on Connor.

Thinking of Connor made him jump from his seat. Shit, he was going to be late. And he very much did not want to explain that he was too busy looking up Connor’s dead brother to make it to their club date on time.

\---

Twenty minutes later he was parked on the street outside of the one story house that the Andersons called home. For some reason he was reminded of a time when sixteen-year-old Gavin had driven his first car to pick up a boy from school that he’d had a crush on. This was a much different scenario, however. Back then, they were sneaking to a friend’s party to get high. As an adult, Gavin didn’t have to sneak to do anything. And he definitely didn’t have a crush on Connor. So, he pushed the memory from his mind and gave a single honk of the car horn to announce his arrival. No way was he going up to the door. There was too high a risk that he’d have to deal with Hank. Something he was just not prepared for. Especially after the article he’d just read.

Only a few moments passed before the front door opened and Connor appeared, quickly making his way towards the car and opened the passenger door, bending to get inside. As the dying light of the setting sun illuminated his figure, Gavin tried very hard not to notice how a patch of his curly hair fell into his face, or the flush on his skin, or the grin that was more blinding than the orange light behind him. 

“Sorry!” was the first word out of his mouth as he closed the door, though Gavin wasn’t entirely sure what he was apologizing for. “Let’s go!” 

Biting his lip against a smirk, Gavin gave him a once over, “You really have never been to a club.” At Connor’s look of confusion, he continued, “You don’t have to have your shirt buttoned all the way to the collar. There’s not really a dress code.” He was only teasing, but the frown on Connor’s face made him feel a little bad.

“Does it look bad?” He asked, voice full of concern.

With a slow shake of his head and a quirk of the lips that he just couldn’t help, Gavin answered, “No. It doesn’t look bad. It’s a good plan, actually. Leave them wanting more. Mystery is hard to come by these days.” Gavin felt himself wink before turning back to the road and began to make his way.

“Oh.” Connor said and he heard the relief in his voice. “You look nice, too.” Gavin’s smile widened at that. He had chosen his very sluttiest black skinny jeans and v-neck tee shirt that had worked wonders for him in the past. Modesty was nowhere to be found in any parts of his life, and he wasn’t really ashamed of it.

“I know.”

\---

There had always been something comforting about the pulsing beat of the too loud music and the smell of alcohol and sweat that always seemed to permeate any club he’d ever set foot in. This one was about as dark as any other, the colored lights not strong enough to fill every corner. It was easy to be in a place like this. At least it was for Gavin. Connor had gone ridged the moment they’d entered and Gavin hoped that a drink or two would soften his edges. So, he’d dragged to poor kid to the bar and ordered them both a drink. 

It was a bit amusing to watch Connor sipping on the vodka soda he’d requested and unknowingly bopping his head along to the music, but after he’d finally finished Gavin was ready to do more than just sit at the bar. If he’d come alone, which he usually did, he would have already cast his line to reel in whatever catch he’d set his sights on. Tonight, however, he would settle for some (mostly) innocent grooving.

Leaning forward, he shouted over the music, “Hey, why don’t we go dance for a bit?” 

It took Connor a moment before he answered, but eventually he nodded, “Okay. I’m not very good, though.” 

With a snort, Gavin gently took his wrist to lead him away from the bar. “Don’t worry. Everyone’s too drunk to care.” He caught the smile on Connor’s face before he turned away.

Passing through a few groups of people, Gavin settled on a part of the floor that had more breathing room than most and turned to look at his companion once more. There was still anxiety in his stance, though it seemed the alcohol had helped a bit, and Gavin was determined to get him to loosen up by the end of the night. 

Letting the beat of the music guide him, he started to dance, hopefully conveying that there was no such thing as looking ridiculous in a place like this. After a moment, Connor joined him and the two began to move in their own synchronized rhythm that Gavin hadn’t realized they were capable of. 

Normally when Gavin decided to dance with someone, it was a seductive thing, an art form he’d discovered that was meant to speak to the sexual side of a person. Every now and then it ended up with him going home with someone, something he considered the ultimate goal of club flirting. But, this was different. When he’d invited Connor out, it had been mostly so he could expose him to something new, something a lot more exciting than school work. 

But, perhaps it was also something to give Gavin some platonic companionship outside of work. It was a rare thing for him if he was being honest. Too often he got caught up in his own self-isolating routine. There was a reason that he didn’t really have any friends and it wasn’t, as hard as he wanted one to believe, only because he had a general dislike of people.

Staying alone meant that he couldn’t get hurt. People couldn’t betray you if you had no faith in them.

As he watched Connor slowly, but surely, loosen up more and more as the songs played on, Gavin wondered if being alone was really all he’d made it out to be. This was only a silly moment, something that neither one of them would probably take seriously. But even as he made a very bad attempt at flossing, causing Connor to almost double over in laughter, Gavin had the sobering realization that maybe it wouldn’t be _so_ bad to allow himself one friend.

The memory of a boy with eyes of steel hit Gavin like a brick, causing him to falter in the ridiculous twirling move he’d started. Instead, he studied Connor as he wondered if maybe Gavin wasn’t the only person here who could do with letting a friend into their life.

Obviously, Connor noticed the sudden shift in Gavin’s stance, but before he could open his mouth to ask, Gavin came up with a pretty logical excuse. 

“I need another drink.” He said, completely truthfully, and began to make his way back to the bar. Maybe it was rude to leave Connor alone in the middle of the dance floor, but Gavin didn’t much care. Alcohol was the answer to all of his moral dilemmas and he desperately needed some at this moment. 

He wasn’t sure what he’d expected to get out of this outing, but it certainly hadn’t been the very real question of whether or not he should befriend another lonely soul so that maybe neither one of them would be very lonely anymore.

Luckily it wasn’t too difficult to get the bartender’s attention and the drink was in his hand in a matter of moments. In one swift motion, Gavin knocked it back like the professional that he was and sat the empty glass back on the counter. 

Now what?

He supposed he had several options. One: he could return to dancing like he hadn’t just had a shitty epiphany. Two: he could talk to Connor like an adult and see what he thought of it. Or three: he could simply say that they were leaving, drop Connor off at home, and forget he’d even brought him here. 

Well, he knew which one he _wouldn’t_ be doing.

With a heavy sigh, he began to make his way back through the bodies to where he’d left Connor. When he found him, he saw a scene that he wasn’t expecting. 

Another man was talking to him, bent low to his ear to be heard over the music. Connor’s eyes were on the floor, his mouth set into a thin line. Whatever the guy was saying to him, he didn’t seem to be very happy about it. Gavin took a step forward as Connor abruptly pulled away from him. This seemed to agitate the man, whom Gavin could tell was incredibly intoxicated, and he grabbed Connor’s wrist. An anger he hadn’t expected rose up inside Gavin, but before he could stomp over and punch the guy in the face, something miraculous happened. 

In a move that was almost too fast for Gavin to see, Connor twisted out of the man’s grip, shoved the palm of his right hand up into his chin, then stomped on his foot, sending him crashing to the ground in what Gavin assumed was shock and pain.

“Holy shit!” Gavin managed as he came up beside him.

“I want to leave!” Connor whirled on Gavin, eyes ablaze with an anger Gavin had never seen before. 

Considering he’d just most likely broken at least one of that man’s toes, it was probably a great idea to leave. “Yeah, alright.” Was all he could think to say before following Connor to the exit.

It was once they were out in the cool night air that he noticed that Connor wasn’t deflating. 

“Jesus, Connor, what did he say to you?” 

Connor stopped walking and rounded on Gavin, “What? Nothing. He was just a pervert. I don’t care about him.”

An eyebrow shot up at this as Gavin asked, “So, why do you still look ready to throw punches?”

Connor let out a huff before asking a question of his own, “Why did you bring me here if you were going to abandon me?”

Oh.

“I wasn’t abandoning you! I just needed another drink!” Gavin could hear the defensiveness in his own voice and he hated how childish it sounded. 

Connor didn’t seem convinced. “I only came here because you asked me.” He said, crossing his arms. “I don’t like being alone with a bunch of strangers. You weren’t supposed to disappear!” 

It was then that he realized the expression that had been on Connor’s face when Gavin had come back to find him with the stranger had been fear.

Maybe Gavin was a bigger douche for leaving him than he’d realized. He hadn’t thought he’d been gone very long, but maybe it had felt differently for Connor. 

Well, if he was trying to become friends with the kid, he wasn’t exactly starting off in the best way.

Gavin knew what he _should_ say, but the problem was actually getting the words out. “I didn’t disappear.” He said instead. “I was coming back, clearly.” 

Connor rolled his eyes at this, “You shouldn’t have left in the first place.” He paused, before adding, “I should have listened to my father. He didn’t want me to come here tonight. He thinks you’re a bad influence. But, I told him he was wrong and you’re not what you seem. Maybe I’m stupid.” He shook his head, eyes going to the concrete.

Gavin frowned at this, realizing he was going to have to concede or he’d lose his chance forever. This wasn’t exactly the hill he was willing to die on. “You’re not stupid.” He said, letting out a low sigh. “I definitely am, though.” When Connor looked back up to him, he continued, “You’re right. I shouldn’t have left you.” If he hadn’t, the random horny dudebro probably wouldn’t have even come up to Connor in the first place. So, Gavin took in a breath to say two words that he rarely used in conjunction with each other. “I’m sorry.” This seemed to cool Connor enough that he wasn’t ready to start swinging, so he continued, “I get it if you want to hate me now.”

Connor studied him for a moment before shaking his head, “It’s alright. I suppose a normal person wouldn’t have minded so much. I just don’t like being surrounded by strangers. Social Anxiety, I suppose. Or something like it.” He shrugged as if to downplay it, though Gavin figured that it was a pretty common fear to have. Especially these days. Connor’s reluctance to come made a little more sense now.

“Well, It seems like you can handle yourself pretty well. I didn’t realize you could take a grown man down like that.” Gavin couldn’t help the bit of admiration that crept into his voice.

A tiny half smile appeared on Connor’s lips at this, giving Gavin hope that he hadn’t completely squandered a friendship before it had even started. “Oh, that was nothing.” He said, no doubt trying to sound humble, “My father has been a police officer my entire life. He’s taught me how to defend myself from multiple types of attackers. Especially after-” He cut himself off, his smile disappearing, and his eyes finding the ground again.

The photo flashed into Gavin’s mind once more and he knew he should tell Connor about the article he’d seen, but he didn’t exactly know how. Something told him that it would only bring up even more awful memories that he wouldn’t want to relive. So, instead, he put on a fake smile and said, “Anyway, I’d better get you home before your father shoots me for keeping you out too late.” 

This caused Connor to let out a low laugh. “I wouldn’t put it past him.” 

Gavin’s smile turned genuine at the sound of his laugh, “Come on, Terminator. Let’s get out of here.”


	3. Chapter 3

Honestly, Gavin had expected Connor to, more or less, ditch him after the club incident. They’d seemed to be on alright terms on the drive back to his house, but a part of Gavin still thought that by morning, Connor would come to his senses and realize that the detective was a lost cause not worthy of his time. He was pleasantly surprised to find that this wasn’t the case, at all.

The moment he’d started receiving text messages on ‘interesting’ facts about the human body, he figured that Connor considered them as good as friends. He didn’t mention going clubbing again, but Gavin figured it was for the best. 

One particularly odd morning, Gavin looked up from his computer to see a frowning Lieutenant Anderson at his desk. 

“You know I’m a highly decorated officer, right, Reed?” He grumbled in hello.

Gavin raised an eyebrow at this and sat back in his chair. “I’ve heard.” He replied warily.

“That means that I’m very good at my job.” Hank continued.

“I have no doubt about that.” Gavin agreed. A little begrudgingly, but less so than he might have before he’d met Connor.

“Just thought I’d remind you.” Hank gave him a pointed look that Gavin didn’t want to understand, before turning away to return to his own desk. 

At one point in time, Gavin would have used this as an opportunity to pick a fight with the old man. Now, though, he simply shook his head and returned to his work. Just because he didn’t want to understand, didn’t mean he wasn’t capable.

\---

There weren’t many days that Gavin missed being on Homicide duty. Granted, it was easier to disassociate with people when they were already dead, but murder was just so… final. Sometimes, though, he would envy those that had already passed. At least they wouldn’t have to deal with a lifetime of suffering based on another person’s actions. 

That was how he felt now as he shuffled into his apartment, throwing his keys somewhere near the bowl he normally kept them in. He needed a drink. 

After his slightly bizarre encounter with Hank that morning, his day had gotten progressively worse and worse until it had culminated in something he’d originally thought would feel triumphant. He’d been able to solve one of his open cases. It should have been a cause for celebration. However, the look in the children’s eyes as they were escorted out of the old building they’d been held captive in for far too long haunted his mind. It wasn’t the only kidnapping case he’d done. Hell, it wasn’t even the only one he was working on currently, but it was the worst he’d seen in a while. Something about seeing abused kids was particularly shitty.

It hit a little too close to home.

He was halfway through his fourth beer when he made a decision that was probably incredibly stupid, but he didn’t care. Gavin had spent one too many nights moping alone on his couch and losing all of his faith in humanity. He didn’t want to do that tonight. Tonight, he wanted to speak to someone that actually made him smile. Someone who might actually push the faces of terrified children out of his mind.

On the first ring, Gavin wondered if he would even pick up. On the second ring, he figured he was probably busy with school. On the third ring, he realized it was almost 11pm and probably too late to be doing this.

“Hello?” Connor’s soft voice sounded before the fourth ring and Gavin found that his heart was in his throat.

“Uh, hey.” He started lamely. “So, uh, sorry to call you so late. Shit, you’re probably busy. I should hang up, right? Yeah, I’m gonna hang up.”

“Wait, no!” Connor stopped him. “I’m not busy. Are you alright?” 

He’d really given that much away already, huh? He blamed it on not being sober.

Taking another deep drink, he answered, “Yeah, no. I’m totally fine. Everything is really fuckin’ great. Yeah.” Gavin realized he was nodding even though no one could see.

“Okay.” Connor, answered, not sounding at all convinced. “What’s up, then?”

“Well, uh,” Gavin started again, not really sure how to answer. Considering everything was obviously _not_ great, he wasn’t sure how to proceed with this conversation. “I was just calling to ask about… your dad.”

“My dad?” Connor repeated, sounding confused.

“Yeah, he uh, said something weird to me today, so I was just uh, checking to see he was okay.” Gavin stumbled over his words, not really helping himself.

“He’s fine.” Connor said. “What did he say to you? Was he trying to start a fight? Maybe I should talk to him again-”

“No, no. It was nothing like that.” Gavin interrupted, not wanting the old man to get a lecture. “I was just… making sure… he was good.”

Connor was quiet for a moment before saying, voice full of concern, “Yeah, he’s good. Are you, though? You don’t sound like you are.” 

Damn, he was bad at this.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m good.” Maybe if he’d had more people in his life to lie to, this would have been easier. Who would have thought being a standoffish loner would be a detriment? “How are you? Like, how’s school?” Maybe if he changed the subject it would be easier.

“School is fine.” Connor replied, “It usually isn’t until around midterms that I start to panic.” His tone was light which gave Gavin hope that they could still have a normal conversation.

“You mean to tell me that writing one paper four times isn’t considered panicking?” He tried to match Connor’s tone, but he wasn’t sure that it was fully working. 

He laughed anyway and replied, “Not for me. I drive my dad crazy. At least I only have one more year after this.”

Gavin smiled a little at this, “I don’t know how you do it. I’m glad I never went to college. You don’t need a degree to beat up bad guys.” 

He heard Connor chuckle and felt a little bit of the darkness on his heart ebb away. “I suppose not.” 

It was then that Gavin made the split second decision to say something he considered very brave.

“You know, if you want to give your old man a break every now and then, uh, you can, uh, come hang out at my place when you want. I mean, it’s not exactly the Ritz, but you know, uh, it’s a change of scenery. Or whatever.” 

The momentary silence grated on Gavin’s nerves until Connor finally spoke again.

“Really?” He asked, more quietly than he’d been speaking before.

Gavin swallowed hard before answering, “Yeah, uh, only if you want to.” He wasn’t sure why the hell he was so anxious to hear the answer. Had he gotten attached already?

“That would be nice.” Connor finally answered in a tone he didn’t quite understand, and Gavin felt a wave of relief. “Do you think I could come over for a little bit tonight? If it’s not too late, that is.”

That, Gavin had definitely not been expecting. 

“Tonight? Uh, yeah, sure. I don’t mind.” It wasn’t like he was going to offer Connor a place to go and then immediately tell him no. Maybe he needed to get away more than Gavin realized.

“Thanks, Gav.” Connor said, and Gavin couldn’t help the way his heart stuttered at the nickname. No one had called him that in a very long time. 

“Sure.” 

After this exchange, Gavin made sure to text Connor his address, then immediately shot up to clean his apartment. Being a bachelor didn’t exactly give him much incentive to not have his place look like a total wreck. But, he didn’t exactly _want_ Connor to see his dirty underwear on the floor. 

By the time Gavin heard the knock on the door, he’d finished making the apartment look like possibly a normal person lived in it, and was chugging yet another beer. He didn’t understand why the hell he was so nervous. Did it really matter what Connor thought of him?

With a heavy breath, he sat the bottle down and made his way to the front door, opening it to say, “Welcome to Casa de Reed. Prepare to be amazed.” 

Connor’s grin hit Gavin in the chest as he said, “I’m incredibly prepared.” 

Gavin stepped back to let him in and noticed Connor’s eyes dart around to take in the small space. Well, at least it was tidy now.

“I like your apartment.” He said and Gavin could hear the earnestness in his voice. 

Gavin snorted at this, “I can’t imagine why.” 

Connor turned back to look at him with a frown, “You don’t like it?”

Gavin was tempted to laugh in his face, but thought better of it. Maybe he was a bit too cynical when it came to his place. At least he had running water. It was more than he could say for some people. Not to mention that all of his neighbors knew he was a cop and he never had to worry about loud noises. Still, it would be nice if the landlord would not take an entire week to send someone to fix the heater when it breaks in the dead of winter.

“I do like one thing about it.” He finally answered, before gesturing for Connor to follow him. He padded through the living room to the window and opened it wide. It wasn’t yet too cold outside, and he liked the view from the fire escape. With a small, reassuring smile, he helped Connor out onto the metal and followed him. Since he was on the seventh floor, he could see the city pretty well and would often sit out here when his tiny apartment began to feel too stuffy.

“We are very high up.” Connor commented as he peered over the railing. He didn’t seem afraid, just cautious. 

Gavin moved to stand next to him, leaning on the railing to watch the lights of the traffic that passed by. “That’s why I like it.” 

They were quiet for a moment, and Gavin began to feel Connor’s eyes on him. He debated asking him why he’d come. When he’d seen no bookbag, Gavin had figured that it wasn’t to study. As much of a detective as he claimed to be, he always seemed to have trouble figuring out why Connor did the things he did. Maybe that would come with getting to know him better. Something Gavin intended to do, even though he couldn’t remember deciding it.

“Are you alright, Gavin?” Connor finally broke the silence in a soft tone. So, that was why he’d come.

With a deep sigh, Gavin responded, a little more harshly than he meant, “I wish you’d stop asking me that.” 

“Why?” Connor asked in that same tone.

Because it had been too long since someone had cared enough to ask, and he didn’t know how to respond.

“Because I’m fine.” Gavin almost grunted.

Connor was silent for a moment before continuing, “I’ve read that sometimes when people say they’re fine, they actually mean something different.”

Gavin exhaled a laugh at this and finally turned to look at his companion, “You read that, huh?”

With a nod, Connor explained, “Apparently, people have a hard time opening up to those around them, especially if they feel uncomfortable.” A frown formed on his lips as he asked, “I don’t make you uncomfortable, do I? I have a tendency to do that.”

Gavin felt a pang at the sadness in his eyes at this. He had to admit that at first, Connor had been… odd, to say the least. But, at this point, he couldn’t think of anyone else he’d rather be around. Gavin hadn’t yet figured out what this meant, or if it was good or bad. All he knew was that he was not uncomfortable. 

“No, of course not.” He answered, noting the relief on Connor’s face.

“I’m glad, then.”

Gavin turned away again at this, focusing on the horizon as he purposefully changed the subject. “I looked up your brother.” He admitted, heart pounding a little harder as he did. It was something Connor needed to know. Maybe it would help him be a little more comfortable around Gavin. Or maybe it would just make him mad. Either way, he deserved to know.

“You did?” He asked, voice suddenly quiet. Gavin didn’t have the guts to look at him.

“Yeah, uh, there was an article online. I’m sorry about what happened. Must’ve been rough.” 

“Rough is an understatement.” Connor said, letting out a humorless laugh. 

That wasn’t surprising.

Swallowing, Gavin continued, “Did they ever, uh, did they find him?” He wasn’t exactly sure how to phrase that without sounding insensitive, but he hoped Connor would understand his meaning.

“No.” He answered and out of the corner of his eye, Gavin saw him clutch at the railing. “By the time that… that monster confessed, they figured he’d been washed into Lake Eerie and it’s just… too big for them to search the whole thing, I guess.” Gavin could hear the bitterness in his voice, but didn’t mention it.

“Oh.” Was all he could think to say in response. 

“I always thought it was odd,” Connor muttered lowly, “The last witness they had for him was near Hart Plaza. But, no one reported seeing Hightower.”

“Hart Plaza?” Gavin finally looked over at him again at this. 

Connor nodded, eyes downcast. He looked like he was seeing something other than the ground below him. “A woman came forward and said she saw him jogging. He, uh, he did like to go jogging there because he liked to people watch. So, we didn’t question it.”

A deep frown sank into Gavin’s face. Hart Plaza was one of the hot spots in his rA9 case. It had to be a coincidence, right? After all, the guy had confessed. Nevermind that Aiden fit the profile for the kids who’d been taken. He couldn’t give Connor or Hank that kind of hope. He was just reading too much into it. Besides, the look on Connor’s face was enough to make him want to drop the subject entirely. 

So, with a sigh, he broached the thing he’d been avoiding since he’d called Connor, “I closed one of my kidnapping cases tonight.”

This pulled Connor out of his thoughts and he turned to Gavin, “That’s good, right?” He asked, clearly noticing the frown that was still haunting Gavin’s features.

“Of course it is.” He answered. “The bastards who took those kids are gonna be serving life sentences. Two less sickos on the streets.”

“So, why don’t you seem very happy right now?” 

Gavin’s hand itched to have a drink in it, and he thought forlornly of the bottle he’d left in the kitchen. Turning back to the city, he replied, “Unfortunately, saving a bunch of kids means having to see the shit they endured and it just… fuckin’ sucks.” There wasn’t really a more eloquent way to put it.

Connor nodded, “I don’t doubt that.”

“And just… thinking about the shit that they’re gonna have to go through for years because some asshole thought it would be a good idea to lock them up and…” He took a breath, “They won’t understand why someone would do that. You know, you treat a kid like shit and they spend the rest of their lives thinking it was their fault, even though there was nothing they could do about it. Kids just want to trust the adults in their lives, but people are always only out for themselves. It’s not fucking fair.” 

Silence settled over them for a moment and Gavin wondered if Connor was struggling with what to say next. He probably hadn’t read about how to give comforting responses.

“I’m glad we have people like you who will stop those people.” 

Gavin had to smile a little at this. As far as comfort goes, it wasn’t too bad. “Thanks.”

“Of course.”

They were quiet once again and Gavin decided he couldn’t take it anymore. “I’m gonna get a beer. Do you want anything?” He stood back from the ledge and looked to Connor, who turned to face him. 

“Yes, please.”

Gavin couldn’t hide the surprise on his face. He’d really only asked out of courtesy, but he wasn’t one to deny a man a drink. “Sure thing.” 

He helped Connor and his ridiculously long legs back through the window and closed it behind them before instructing him to sit. When he returned to the kitchen, Gavin quickly downed the rest of his open drink before opening two more.

Despite how amusing it was to watch Connor drink, it was a little worrying to see him down the bottle as fast as he was.

“It’s not a race.” Gavin tried to joke when he realized that Connor had finished the drink before he had.

“I don’t particularly like alcohol,” was Connor’s response. “But, so many people seem to think it makes you feel better, so I would like another, please.” 

Hesitating, Gavin gave his friend a wary look before complying and grabbing him one more. At least he was getting drunk in a safe environment. 

When the alcohol was obviously starting to hit him, Connor frowned over at Gavin, “I don’t feel any better yet.” The pout that jutted his lip out was adorable and painful at the same time.

With a side smile, Gavin responded, “Sometimes it takes a bit.” 

“Hmm.” Connor seemed to think this over and Gavin wondered if he was going to be treated to a lecture about human anatomy. Instead, he asked, “How did you get that scar?” 

Completely taken aback, Gavin could only ask, “What?”

“I’ve been wondering forever, but I didn’t wanna seem insensitive.” Then a confused look crossed his face as if he wasn’t sure why he didn’t care about being insensitive now.

The scar that ran diagonally across the center of Gavin’s nose was a constant reminder of the shitty past he was always trying to forget. Still, he knew Connor’s trauma, maybe Connor should know his, too. 

Finishing his beer in one long gulp, Gavin answered, “My father took a shard of broken glass to my face.” 

“Oh.” He heard the regret in Connor’s voice, but he continued anyway.

“The old man was a controlling asshat and my mother didn’t give two shits about what happened to me. So, when he would slap me around, I’d have to fend for myself. One time, I was just sick of it and tried to hit him back. Well, it only pissed him off even more and he swung extra hard at me. I ducked and he ended up punching a mirror. No one could call that man stupid. I guess he knew glass would be more effective than a simple punch.” 

That was about as much as he was willing to share, but he didn’t think Connor wanted the grisly details. 

“I’m sorry that happened to you.” 

Gavin finally looked over to Connor who now had his knees up to his chest, arms wrapped around his legs, and so much sadness in his eyes that Gavin had to look away again.

“It was a long time ago.” Gavin muttered, frowning at the empty bottle that was still in his hand. He wondered if it would ever be long enough that it wouldn’t hurt to think about. 

“Still, it wasn’t right.”

“No. It wasn’t.” 

If Gavin’s job had taught him one thing, it was that nothing his father had done to him was his fault. Some people were just cruel to be cruel. 

Ugh, thinking of this shit was seriously killing his buzz. 

In an attempt to be slightly lighthearted, he turned to Connor and mustered a small smile, saying, “So, now you can never complain about your dad. He’s father of the year compared. Just don’t tell him I said that.” 

Connor’s smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. “You’re right. My father would never hit me.” He paused before saying, “He _did_ lock me in a hospital for a year, though.” 

What the shit?

So much for lightening the mood.

The shock on Connor’s face as he realized what he said matched what Gavin felt at hearing it.

“What the hell for?” He couldn’t stop himself from asking. Sure, Connor was kinda weird, but not… like that. 

Connor merely peered at him for a moment and Gavin wondered if he was going to answer him, at all. Not that he could blame him for not wanting to. 

Finally, he said, “When I was younger, the kids at school liked to call me a robot. Compared to Aiden, I was just, I don’t know, stiff. Connecting with people has always been hard for me.” 

Kids were assholes, Gavin knew this. Hell, he _was_ an asshole kid. But, he wasn’t sure what this had to do with being thrown in a padded cell. Still, he stayed quiet to let Connor continue. 

“After Aiden… neither me nor my father took it well. He started drinking… a lot. I… well, I just kind of shut down. I was just going through the motions of everything. I didn’t really feel anything. I kept forgetting to eat, I didn’t sleep. I was a robot. Just like the kids at school called me. I mean, my father was drinking himself into an early grave and I was doing nothing to stop it. What kind of son does that make me?” 

Connor’s sad gaze pierced through Gavin, but he didn’t have an answer for him. Grief did different things to different people. 

After a moment, Connor looked away, “Anyway, one night I was kind of out of it, I guess. I have a tendency to get stuck in my head. I was trying to walk home from school, but I don’t know. I just got lost, I think. I remember walking, but I don’t really know where I was headed. I just kept going. It must have been hours because I remember it being dark outside when one of my dad’s cop friends found me and put me in his car. I didn’t even realize I was cold until he put his jacket on me. 

My dad was furious when I got home, but I just didn’t care. I didn’t care that I could have run into trouble, or walked into oncoming traffic, or gotten hypothermia, or anything. I didn’t care about anything. So, he stuck me in the hospital.” 

He stopped speaking, and Gavin figured that that was the end of the story. Which was fine because he didn’t think he could handle much more. The thought of Connor suffering like that, basically alone, was painful enough. He knew then that he should probably definitely say something comforting. The look on Connor’s face alone was enough to warrant it. Unfortunately, all that came out was a singular, “Damn.” 

Maybe he needed to start reading up on basic human interactions, too. 

Connor tried for a small smile, saying, “I don’t blame him, though.” As if Gavin would be mad at Hank for it. He supposed he was if he thought about it. But, he could also understand. Hell, he had no idea what he would do if his kid was acting like a literal zombie. “It was helpful. Besides, by the time I got out, he’d stopped drinking. So, I don’t think it was a bad thing.”

“Well, shit.” Gavin mumbled, still unable to find those ‘right’ words. He didn’t know a lot about mental illnesses or how to treat them (even though he was sure he probably had at least one of them), so his ideas were limited.

Connor frowned, looking away as if he were embarrassed. “Sorry.” He said, swallowing deeply. “You probably didn’t want to know all of that.”

Gavin shrugged at this, “Well, it _does_ sound like you’re trying to enter the sad backstory olympics with me, but… I think I’ll get over it.” His tone was as light as he could make it at the moment, but it didn’t seem to register.

“It does?” Connor flinched at the implication looking very much like a kicked puppy and Gavin regretted his words and his constant need to default to bad humor when he didn’t know what to say.

“No, Con.” Gavin tried for a more reassuring voice, the nickname slipping off of his tongue without much notice. “It was a bad joke. You’re fine.”

Connor met his gaze then, muttering, “Oh.” before resting his forehead on his knees.

A low sigh left Gavin’s lips before he said, “I guess we’re done drinking for the night.” He didn’t know about Connor, but he didn’t think he could take much more tragic life events right now.

“I definitely don’t feel better.” Connor’s slightly muffled voice made Gavin flinch.

Knowing about Hank’s drinking problems now made Gavin feel like an utter ass for letting Connor try to get drunk. 

“You wanna watch some shitty late night tv?” Gavin asked, moving to fish for the remote.

“Not really.” Connor said, lifting his head. But, he was already shifting on the couch to face the tv as the screen came to life, so Gavin didn’t question it.

Connor was quiet as Gavin searched through the channels and eventually landed on a talk show he didn’t think he’d ever watched before. It was hard to focus on the forced laughter at the boring celebrity guest, or the (Gavin suspected) fake audience applause as Connor’s story ran through his head.

As low as Gavin had gotten, and he’d gotten pretty low, he didn’t think he’d ever felt like a robot. He wondered what it was like. Hell, maybe it was a relief to not feel anything for a while. Connor hadn’t seemed to be proud of it, but it had to be nice to not constantly stress about shit all the time. 

As much as he’d never admit it, Gavin did care a whole hell of a lot about his actions and what he could do for less fortunate people. It was an odd place to find himself in, not wanting to get close to anyone while still wanting to make sure they were free to go about their boring lives without fear of being kidnapped or murdered… or losing their loved ones.

Gavin was deep in his own thoughts when he felt the pressure against his shoulder. It didn’t take long to realize that it was Connor’s head and that he’d fallen asleep. As much as it didn’t surprise him, Gavin found the image painful.

Heaving a deep sigh, Gavin muttered, “Shit.” to himself. Resisting the aching urge to rest his own head against Connor’s and try to fall asleep with him, Gavin did the exact opposite. It was a herculean effort, but he turned off the tv, moved as slowly as he could and guided Connor to lay down. Grabbing a blanket that he’d done a very bad job of folding on his armchair, he laid it over his friend and stepped back.

Again he felt the same pain in his chest and he had to push it away. It was just because of the alcohol and the conversation they’d shared. Nothing more.

It couldn’t be more, because Gavin was very sure that he wasn’t capable of more.

So, he quietly went about turning off the lights and retreating to his bedroom, not even bothering to strip off his clothes before flopping down onto his bed and passing out.

Sleep had to be better than this aching, and he welcomed it with open arms.


	4. Chapter 4

Gavin was in the middle of a very stressful dream about running away from his father when a loud bang yanked him into consciousness and he sat up, heart pounding and struggling to untangle himself from the sheets. Was there an intruder in his apartment? 

Another bang had him jumping out of bed and grabbing the handgun on his nightstand. Whoever this was had picked the wrong morning to break in. Gavin’s head was pounding and he felt like he needed to shotgun a gallon of water. In short, he was already irritable.

Quietly, he made his way to the bedroom door, peering into the apartment to locate the source of the noise. The light was on in the kitchen and he could see a figure milling around. Gavin took a step out into the tiny hallway when the figure spoke, muttering “Oh, no.” and Gavin instantly felt like a fucking idiot. 

Memories of the night before, as well as the ache he’d hoped would vanish, came rushing back to him as he was able to see the full image of Connor in the doorway. As if sensing the eyes on him, Connor turned to look at Gavin who quickly hid the gun behind his back. He didn’t really feel like explaining how much of a dumbass he was at this moment.

Connor tried to push a cheery smile on his face, but Gavin could see the exhaustion in his eyes even as he declared, “Good morning, Detective!”

The sunlight streaming through the windows did in fact signal that it was morning, but Gavin couldn’t necessarily call it ‘good’. 

“Uh, yeah.” He answered lamely, hopefully hiding the embarrassment he felt at forgetting Connor was there. To be fair, it had been a long time since Gavin had had anyone stay in his place until morning. Connor was the first person he hadn’t kicked out by 3am. 

Granted, anyone else that had been in his place had been for much different reasons. Reasons that would never apply to Connor. Obviously.

Connor leaned against the doorway as he continued. “I was going to make you breakfast as thanks for letting me stay over last night, but, um, there wasn’t much for me to use. So, I decided to do the dishes for you. Sorry if I woke you up, I was having trouble finding where everything goes.”

The dishes in the sink had been the one thing Gavin hadn’t dealt with the night before, and he wasn’t sure why Connor doing them for him made him feel so… weird.

Clearing his throat, Gavin nodded. “Don’t worry about it, I’ve got Postmates.” He tried to sound dismissive and he hoped Connor didn’t notice the crack in his voice.

Cocking his head in a way that made the ache in Gavin’s chest throb, Connor asked, “What’s Postmates?” 

A breathy laugh made its way out of Gavin as he replied, “I’ll show you once I’ve had a shower. Don’t… don’t go anywhere.” It wasn’t really a command so much as a plea, and Connor gave him a reassuring smile.

“Sure. I’m not done yet, anyway.”

Silently, Gavin nodded and backed into his room so as to avoid Connor noticing the gun. With the door closed, Gavin took a deep breath hitting himself in the forehead with the barrel of the gun and muttering, “Stupid, stupid.”

The word echoed through his mind as he set about his shower. When the scalding hot water hit his head, he welcomed it. He really was about as dumb as it got. What if Connor had seen him waving a gun in his face? He’d never want to come back here again. Despite himself, Gavin really did want him to want to come back. Even if he never did.

Once the hot water had run cold, Gavin finally stepped out of the shower and proceeded to get dressed. It was only after finding Connor leaning against the kitchen counter frowning down at his phone that Gavin realized he’d been incredibly rude. 

“Uh, sorry, did you want to take a shower?” He neglected to mention that he’d have to wait at least two hours for the hot water to come back.

Connor looked up at him with an apologetic smile, “No, thank you. I… I have a system I like to do. I wouldn’t be able to do that here.” He sounded embarrassed, but Gavin was too busy being thankful to care.

“Ah, cool, well, I’ll order breakfast, then.”

It didn’t take long for the delivery driver to bring them their food and soon Gavin was coercing Connor into trying the eggs from the local diner he’d found around the corner. Luckily, he seemed to like them, and a comfortable silence settled on them as they ate.

Unfortunately, it didn’t last long before Connor was very obviously nervously stabbing at the eggs and Gavin finally had to ask, “What’s the matter? If they’re cold, you can use the microwave if you want.”

Connor looked up at this, “What? Oh, no that’s not it. I, um,” He paused, frowning in a way that wasn’t completely adorable and totally didn’t make Gavin’s heart jump. “I just wanted to apologize for last night. I shouldn’t have, uh, I mean it was rude of me to dump all of that on you. I’ve never told anyone that stuff before, and um, I’m not sure why I wanted you to know, but I did. Still…” He trailed off, looking back at the eggs.

Gavin couldn’t decide if he was flattered or hurt by this apology so he simply said, “Don’t worry about it. Your secret is safe with me.” 

Connor raised his gaze once more and eyed Gavin for a moment. Gavin couldn’t help wondering (for probably the millionth time since they’d met) just what Connor was thinking, but he was too afraid to ask. Finally, a small smile tilted Connor’s lips upward as he said, “Thank you.” 

With a shrug, Gavin said, “Whatever.” and went back to his food.

The rest of the morning was relatively light and by the time Connor finally decided to leave, Gavin was sorry to see him go. It was nice to have someone else here, even if their conversation hadn’t always been so great.

“Listen, uh,” Gavin stopped him as Connor shrugged his jacket on. Turning his dumb curious eyes on him, Gavin’s heart skipped a beat. “If you want, you can give me a... uh, a list so I can uh, you know, pick up some stuff for you the next time I’m at the store. You know, for your system or whatever. So you don’t have to worry about it next time.”

Connor’s eyes went wide at this as he muttered, “What?” in the tiniest voice Gavin had ever heard.

Instantly, he realized he’d said something wrong. “Shit.” He said, backpedaling, “Never mind, that was stupid. I’m not expecting anything from you. That sounded like I was. Sorry, just, uh, forget I said anything.”

Connor was quiet for another moment before he gathered himself and Gavin saw the flush on his face, “No, sorry, it wasn’t stupid. I just… didn’t expect it.”

He didn’t offer anything, though, instead just saying his goodbyes before heading out of the door. Once he was gone, Gavin banged his head against the door, muttering, “God, I am so fucking stupid.” Before forcing himself to go about the rest of his day.

—-

It turned out that Gavin wasn’t quite as stupid as he’d originally thought because Connor did end up coming back to his apartment multiple times. He never stayed the night again, though, and Gavin didn’t bring it up. He didn’t want to risk losing what he’d found in Connor; someone he could complain with about dumb stuff, someone he could quietly watch boring documentaries with, someone he could laugh with when they both ultimately realized how bad they were at cooking. A friend. A real one, at that. And Gavin didn’t want any less than that, and certainly not more.

It wasn’t until one afternoon that Gavin was pouring over the same stupid file for the same stupid rA9 case that things finally did change.

The knock at the door startled him and he left the article he was reading on his laptop to make his way to the door. If it was another goddamned solicitor, he was going to arrest them for wasting his time. When he opened the door, Gavin was surprised to find a stormy-eyed Connor standing there, arms crossed and shoulders tense. 

“Sorry.” He said by way of greeting. “I know I didn’t text you or anything, but, uh, do you mind if I hang out here for a while? I’ll be quiet if you’re working. I just… needed to get out of the house for a while.”

Gavin blinked before shaking his head. “Yeah, sure.” Stepping back to let Connor in, Gavin didn’t question him. He was all too familiar with the feeling of needing to get away from his father. As they made their way back into the apartment, Gavin found himself saying, “If you’re hungry or something, you can raid the fridge.” He’d significantly bulked up on real food items since the first time Connor had come over, mostly so he would have something to share. It was strange for Gavin to actually have food in his place, but he didn’t mind. It was nice not eating take out every day.

“No, that’s okay, I’m not- hey, what’s that?” Connor stopped near the table where Gavin had left his things strewn.

Shit, that was not smart.

He hurried over to gather the things and close the file as well as the laptop as he said, “Nothing, just something for work.”

Connor frowned as he shook his head, “Sorry, I just recognized that weird mask and I was wondering if you knew what it was from.” 

This made Gavin stop, contemplating how much shit he’d get into with Hank before finally taking the only clear photo he had of one of the masked people and handing it to Connor. “This mask?” 

“Yeah,” Connor eyed it as he spoke, “I saw a couple people wearing it at the Halloween Bash last year at school. I just thought it was weird because I’d never seen costumes like that before. I just assumed it was a meme or something. I’m not very up to date on pop culture.”

There was a lot to unpack in that statement and Gavin first settled on, “Why were you at a Halloween bash?”

A light pink dusted his cheeks as he answered, “I don’t know. It’s my favorite holiday and my dad convinced me to go. I didn’t really know that many people though, so I left early. I just remember I kept seeing some students wearing all black and these masks. It was almost like they were following me around or something.” Connor laughed before handing the photo back to Gavin with a shrug. “I guess it’s kind of popular if it’s part of your case.”

Gavin could only stare at him for a moment as he processed that this was now Connor’s second connection to this same case. Was it really a coincidence that some of these rA9 people just happened to be at a party at Connor’s school? He supposed it could be, as it was a big campus with a lot of students. Maybe they’d been there to kidnap more people and Connor was lucky to have been passed over.

He hadn't heard of any abductions from the school, but that didn't mean much. Detroit wasn't exactly the most organized place in the world.

Not wanting to scare Connor away, Gavin put the photo back in the folder and neglected to tell him how these masks had nothing to do with pop culture and everything to do with a serial kidnapping. Connor seemed agitated enough, Gavin would have to bring it up at another time.

It didn’t leave the back of his mind, though, for the rest of the evening. Every now and then, he would zone out, wondering if he was crazy, or if Connor really could be connected to these rA9 people without realizing it. Maybe he would ask him more about it. Maybe he knew more. Then again, the thought of Hank yelling at him for dragging his son into a case like this was enough to quiet him.

Luckily, it was easy to focus on Connor and when Gavin realized why he’d come over unannounced, the case left his mind entirely. 

“Wow, look at you, you little rebellious teen, you.”

“I’m 25.” Connor snapped, but it only served to make Gavin laugh.

“I’m just saying. Your dad tells you he doesn’t like the boy you’ve been hanging out with and you storm off to go hang out with him. It’s very teen angst.”

Connor huffed at this, crossing his arms. “I don’t have to be a teen to be unhappy with how my father wants me to live my life.”

“I know, I know. I’m only teasing.” Gavin held up his hands in a diffusing gesture, and some of the tension left Connor’s body.

They were currently sitting out on the fire escape and Gavin was trying very hard not to focus on the little piece of hair that always seemed to stubbornly fall onto Connor’s forehead as it bounced back and forth in the breeze. He was also trying hard not to find Connor’s frustration adorable. Something he’d been having a lot of problems with. Lately, it seemed no matter what Connor did, it made Gavin’s chest ache and his head feel light. It was incredibly annoying, but he craved the ache all the same. He’d given up on pretending he wasn’t having the thoughts that he clearly was. It was ridiculous, of course. Gavin was not a school girl with a crush on a dumb boy, but that didn’t stop him from feeling like it.

He knew, of course, that it would never amount to anything, and he was okay with it. Mostly. As much time as Connor seemed to want to spend with him (hence the angry father), it didn’t mean that they’d ever be anything more than just friends. And Gavin accepted this. He totally, one hundred percent accepted it.

“I know he worries about me, but I can still make my own decisions, you know?” Connor shook his head, looking out at the city.

With a heavy sigh, Gavin stopped teasing. “You know, Con, I get why he doesn’t like me. I’m a dick. There’s plenty of other people you could spend your time with. Probably some other nerdy kids at your school or something, you know.”

Connor turned his head to frown at Gavin again, “You’re not a dick. My dad just doesn’t know you well enough.”

Gavin couldn’t help the little smile that made its way on his face as it did every other time he heard Connor curse. Even if it was as mild as this. It didn’t happen very often and Gavin liked to treasure the few times it did.

“Look, Connor. I’m just saying, I get it. But, that doesn’t mean you should let him tell you what to do. It’s your life. You should be free to fuck it up whatever way you like.” Even if Gavin was the one to fuck it up for him.

Connor’s frown only deepened at this as he said, “You really shouldn’t think so lowly of yourself. I don’t like it.”

“Sorry, bud. Self-loathing is kinda my schtick.” Gavin tried to play it off as nonchalantly as he could, even if it was very true.

“I’ve noticed.” Connor huffed again. “I don’t know why I’m the only person in the world who knows who you really are. I’m usually the only one who doesn’t know how to interpret someone.” He shook his head at this as if it were some great travesty.

Gavin just watched him for a moment, wondering what he meant by his words, but too afraid to ask. What did the boy who’d occupied so much more of Gavin’s head than anyone else ever had, think of someone like him? There was no amount of money he wouldn’t pay to find out the inner workings of Connor Anderson’s mind, but something told him he’d never know.

They were quiet for a time after this, and Gavin had so many questions enter his mind that he forced himself to put to the side. Besides, the quiet was nice, and Gavin knew he could stay like this forever. Inches away from the person he cared about the most. What would happen if he closed those inches of space between them? What would it be like if Gavin took Connor’s pale hand in his and started to memorize every part of it with his own? His palm itched with the want of it. Would it really be so bad to try?

“I should probably go.” Connor’s voice pulled Gavin out of his reverie and he turned to see the discomfort on his face. Could he have possibly known what Gavin was thinking? There was no way. 

Right?

“You don’t have to leave.” Gavin muttered, trying very hard to keep the disappointment he was feeling from his voice. 

“I’m gonna get an earful when I get home. Might as well get it over with.” 

Gavin frowned at this. “Do you want me to talk to him?”

Connor’s eyes went wide with alarm at this, “No, no. Don’t do that. I don’t want him to get so worked up, he puts himself in the hospital.” 

As much as Connor had said he should think more highly of himself, it hurt Gavin to think that he had so little faith in him to be able to hold a conversation with Hank without it ending in a screaming match.

“Right.” Gavin merely replied, frowning down at the metal of the fire escape.

Another moment of silence fell over them before Connor broke it with a very anxious tone, “Gav, I uh, I have something for you.”

This made Gavin quit brooding long enough to eye his friend. “Something for me?” He echoed in confusion.

“Yes, well, it’s something you asked me for. I don’t know if you still want it or not, or if I’m just assuming, a-and I’m sorry if I am. But, I thought you may still want it so I figured I’d give it to you, if you want, but you don't have to take it if you don't want it, I mean-“

“Yo, dude, take a breath.” Gavin stopped him before he could run out of air.

Connor complied as he pulled something out of his back pocket and quietly handed it to Gavin while looking at possibly the same piece of metal Gavin had been eyeing only seconds before.

With mounting curiosity, Gavin took the folded piece of paper that Connor was presenting him, and opened it to see neat letters written out. 

“Herbal Essences shampoo, Dove for Men bar soap…” Gavin read the words out loud, confused as he did so.

“I-it’s the list you asked me for. The items I need for my system.” Connor looked up at him then, eyes widening in horror as he continued, “Unless you weren’t serious about that, and I’m utterly wrong. I shouldn’t have assumed, I know. Sometimes I can’t tell when people are serious or not and I’m not really good at-“

“Connor, please stop.” Gavin cut him off again, this time with the grin that had spread across his face as he’d realized what this meant. “I’ll pick these up for you, don’t worry.”

Connor still seemed unsure as he spoke again, “Are you sure? Oh, no, I probably should have bought them myself, but I wasn’t sure what the best strategy would be here. I didn’t want to mess it up.”

“You didn’t mess anything up, Con. Do you even have any money?” Gavin tried to tease him to help him calm down, and it seemed to help at least a little.

Biting his lip, Connor breathed out heavily through his nose before answering, “I have a little bit of money.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Gavin reached out to give him a light punch on the shoulder. “It’s an excuse to not just have Dollar Store shampoo in my shower.”

A frown crossed Connor’s face despite the comforting words. “I’m sorry I’m making you do this. I know most people don’t care about things like this, but I… I don’t know, I guess I am a robot, after all.” 

Gavin mimicked his frown, gently taking Connor’s chin in his hand to make sure he was looking into Gavin’s eyes as he said, “You don’t need to be like most people.. You just need to be like you. That doesn’t make you a machine. It just makes you you. And to be honest, I prefer you over most people, anyway.” 

Connor merely stared at Gavin for a long moment before doing something that Gavin would have never expected in a million years. More quickly than Gavin had seen him move since that night in the club, Connor lunged forward and their lips collided with an almost bruising force. Too surprised to react, Gavin was still processing what had happened when Connor pulled away.

“Shit.” Connor said, the horror back on his face as he pressed a hand to his mouth, “I’m so sorry. I… I shouldn’t have done that. I don’t know why I did that. Please don’t be angry with me. I’ve never done that before, I-“

It was then that Gavin’s brain finally understood what happened and he began to laugh, loud and joyous as he realized it was the first time in a long time that the ache in his chest had subsided. 

Gavin stopped laughing as he realized that Connor, still looking horrified, hadn’t taken it the right way. He started to stand and Gavin grabbed his arm to keep him from leaving.

“No, wait.” He said, afraid he might have ruined the moment. “I’m not mad at you. I’m glad you did it.”

“You’re… glad?” Connor didn’t seem quite convinced.

“I mean,” Gavin couldn’t help grinning through his words, “I think you might have made my lip bleed a little, but I’ll get over it.” 

“Oh.” Connor still didn’t seem convinced.

At this, Gavin let go of his arm and rested both hands on his face as he said, “Why don’t we try it again? I’ll help you out a little this time.”

Connor was quiet for a moment before he nodded in Gavin’s hands and said, “Okay. I trust you.” 

Gavin’s chest grew tight at the words and he did his best to be slow and gentle as he brought their lips together again. This time the kiss was soft, sweet, and so completely different than what Gavin was used to.

When they pulled away enough to look at each other, Gavin’s heart tightened at the flush on Connor’s face and the electricity in his eyes. He was fucking beautiful and for the first time, Gavin was letting himself know it. 

Having to steady his breathing before he could speak, Gavin finally murmured, “That was better, right?” 

Connor nodded again, “Yeah.” He all but whispered. “Thanks.”

This made Gavin laugh again, but it was quiet as he reveled in the moment. “You’re welcome.”

The sudden penetrating sound of Gavin’s cell phone ringing cut through the moment and Gavin whined as Connor pulled away, touching his lips again. 

Unhappily, Gavin fumbled in his pocket and pulled out the blasted device. “This is Reed.” He answered, trying not to sound as irritated as he was at whomever was ruining the moment.

“Gavin.” The familiar voice of Tina Chen, one of the few officers that actually liked working with him, was gruff. “There was a sighting of some of those rA9 freaks at the Plaza. I’m on my way to yours. Be outside in two minutes.”

“Shit.” Was the only thing he could think to say to that.

Tina hung up the phone and Gavin jumped up, glad that he was already dressed. 

“What’s the matter?” Connor asked, standing as well.

“I have to go.” Gavin answered, gently taking his shoulders. “You can stay if you want. I’ll deal with your dad if he gets too pissy. I’m sorry.”

He didn’t wait for Connor, he climbed back inside, ran to grab his gun and his badge and headed for the door. Of course this had to happen the moment he was finally able to admit to himself that he was falling in love with Connor Anderson, if he hadn’t gotten there already. He didn’t have time to think about it now. He needed to catch some freaks.


	5. Chapter 5

“Chen! Mask! Over there!” Gavin motioned to the figure that was darting through the trees. They’d managed to track down the rA9 masks by the Milliken State Park. Unfortunately, this meant they were now in an on foot chase; Gavin’s favorite kind. A few other officers had shown up by the time he and Tina had gotten there, but Gavin knew none of them would be able to keep up. These people were fast, and even Gavin was having a hard time.

His sheer determination was keeping him going, though. He couldn’t lose them. This was the big break he needed. If he could get one of these freaks into an interrogation room, he’d get what he wanted. He was certain of it.

Ah hah! Gavin cut through some buildings, knowing he would get the shortcut he needed. Coming out on the other side, the mask he’d been chasing wasn’t fast enough to turn around before Gavin, rather messily, threw himself at the figure and they both went tumbling to the ground. Gavin tried to pin him, but he was too agile, and they tussled before the mask was able to land a punch on him. Gavin stumbled back, kicking out as he did so, knocking that ugly white mask right off the man’s face.

“Gotcha!” Gavin exclaimed, as he grabbed the damn thing, though it wasn’t entirely true. When the man turned to face Gavin, his heart stopped in his chest. The face that stared furiously back at him was so stunningly familiar that all he could do was gape as he asked, dumbfounded, “Connor?”

No, that wasn’t Connor. The street lamp illuminated his face enough that Gavin could see his eyes, steel blue and going from angry to surprised.

“You know my brother?” He asked, and Gavin couldn’t help realizing just how much he sounded like Connor, too.

Before either of them could do anything else, Tina appeared from the shadows and tackled the man to the ground. 

“Reed! Help me out here!”

Snapping back into action, Gavin let training take over as he wrestled Aiden Anderson into the back of his police car, all the while wondering how the hell he was gonna tell Hank, and how he was gonna let Connor know that his brother was alive without breaking him apart.

—-

Leaning against the wall just outside of the interrogation room, Gavin winced as he touched his cheek, knowing there was a bruise forming already. It was the least of his problems, though. It had been a horridly long night, and he’d gotten nowhere. Aiden, as it turned out, was even more stubborn than his father and brother combined and refused to speak unless the former was there.

It was why Gavin was waiting at 7 am for Hank to come in on his day off. As he saw the old man stomping through the building, he knew this wasn’t going to be easy.

“What the fuck, Reed?” Hank barked as soon as he was in range. “Why the _fuck_ would you arrest Connor? The kid’s straight as a fuckin’ arrow!”

Holding out his arm to keep from getting mauled, Gavin exclaimed, “I didn’t!”

“The fuck?” Hank fumed. “They said you brought in my son!”

“It isn’t Connor, Hank!” Gavin stood his ground, hoping the old man would understand.

Hank’s face went from confusion to disbelief as he stepped forward, grabbing the much shorter Gavin and shoving him against the wall. “You better explain. Now.” His voice was so terrifying that Gavin understood why he’d been such a highly respected officer in the first place.

Wincing from the new bruise he’d probably just received from the wall, Gavin did what he was told, “We found him wearing one of the rA9 masks. We think he was kidnapped eight years ago and indoctrinated into whatever organization they have going on. But, he won’t talk to me. He wants to see you. Captain Fowler already okayed it. But, you need to cool down before I even think of letting you in.”

Hank narrowed his eyes at him as he spoke, but let go, face changing into something more vulnerable than Gavin had ever seen as he uttered, “Aiden?” in a low tone, as if afraid to hope that it’s true.

Nodding in response, Gavin gestured to the small room attached. “Why don’t you take a look at him first? I don’t need you having a goddamned heart attack in front of him. It won’t help.”

Hank looked like he wanted to retort, but he simply opened the door and walked in.

Tina was already inside, eyeing the boy in case he’d decided to do anything and she stood when Hank and Gavin entered.

“Lieutenant.” She nodded in greeting.

He barely registered her as he went up to the glass, getting a good look at the son he’d thought was dead for the last eight years.

Tina looked to Gavin, clearly uncomfortable with what was about to happen. “I’ve got a shit ton of paperwork to do. If it’s okay with you…”

Gavin nodded, letting her know it was okay to escape. He wished he could go with her. The one time in his entire career he would rather be doing paperwork.

She closed the door behind her and he was alone with Hank who mumbled, more to himself than anything, “He’s alive. He looks so different.”

Gavin, who’d never met Aiden before this, didn’t know how to respond to that, so he simply said, “I know this is difficult, Hank, but I need you to get as much information out of him as you can. It’s imperative to the case.”

Hank turned fiery eyes on him then, but a lifetime of doing this job kept him from whatever retort he’d had ready. “I’ll get the information for your fucking case. But, first, I’m gonna see my son.”

He crossed the room once more and Gavin heaved a sigh as he followed. This was going to be a long day.

Surprisingly, Hank stopped to take a deep breath before entering the interrogation room and Gavin was impressed with the calm approach he took as he uttered his son’s name.

Aiden stood automatically, but he couldn’t go far. “Hey, dad.” He said quietly.

Hank’s calm demeanor vanished as he rounded on Gavin once more. “Why the fuck is my son handcuffed to the table, Reed?”

“He’s a suspect in a kidnapping ring and also a flight risk-“

Gavin was cut off by Hank’s demanding hand and an equally demanding, “Keys. Now. There are fifty police officers in this building in case he tries for it.”

“Hank, it isn’t a good idea-“

“This is a command from your superior officer.”

Gavin grumbled, but reached into his pocket and pulled out the keys, handing them to Hank despite every one of his instincts telling him otherwise. Aiden may have been Hank’s son, but there was something cold about him that Gavin didn’t trust and he hadn’t gotten enough out of him to figure it out yet.

Still, he watched quietly as Hank uncuffed Aiden and took him into a hug that was probably just as tight as it looked. 

“Hank…” Gavin warned. They could be dealing with time sensitive information, as much as Gavin felt like a dick for breaking them up, it had to be done.

Pulling away, Hank took a seat across from his son, who settled back into his chair. 

Gavin sat down beside Hank, forcing himself to assume cop mode as he got straight into it. “Eight years ago, you disappeared. What happened to you?”

Aiden slowly took his eyes off of his father and rested his icy expression on Gavin. He still wasn’t used to how much he looked like Connor, but how very different he also seemed. It put unease into the pit of his stomach.

“I was saved.” Aiden simply answered.

“What the hell does that mean?” Hank barked out.

Aiden didn’t take his eyes off of Gavin as he answered, “I was shown the light. I was taken into the good graces of the Church and I was shown salvation.”

“The Church?” Gavin asked, annoyed that he should have realized it was some kind of cult.

“The Church of rA9.”

“Who is rA9?”

“rA9 is our savior. He will return and when he does, there will be a culling in Detroit. All that will remain will be the believers.”

Hank growled at this, “The fuck have these people filled your head with, boy?”

Aiden turned back to him and Gavin saw some of the ice slip from his gaze before he put it back. “They showed me the light. And if you know what’s good for you, you’ll let me go back.”

“Is that some kind of threat?” Hank asked, low and angry. 

Again Gavin watched Aiden’s expression falter and he wondered if there was more behind those eyes that he wasn’t letting them see.

When it was clear that Aiden wasn’t going to answer, Gavin switched tactics. “And what about your brother?” 

This seemed to throw him off and his cool gaze returned to Gavin. “What the hell does he have to do with this?” He asked, something feral buried in his voice.

“Well, I’m just curious. If you were shown the light, why wasn’t he? Or your father. Why didn’t they get to share in your salvation?” 

Gavin could feel Hank eyeing him, but he didn’t acknowledge it. Instead keeping focused on Aiden, who seemed to waiver before answering.

“They weren’t ready yet.” He simply said.

“Ready for what?” Hank’s voice was still deep as he questioned him.

“To understand.” Aiden paused before continuing. “The church has been focusing on those who are ready to believe. We are special, we are the chosen.”

“What exactly are you chosen for, Aiden?”

“We are the harbingers of the Reckoning. It is our duty to ensure that others submit to the will of our savior.”

“In other words, you’ll be doing the culling?” Gavin chimed in, finally understanding why they were taking young, fit people. They were being trained for whatever ridiculous event they planned to carry out. Who knew how many more undocumented teens had been taken? In a place as big as Detroit, there was no telling how many they’d been able to take and to brainwash into this way of thinking.

“It is our honor to serve our savior.” Aiden said by way of answer.

“You truly believe this?” Hank spoke again, and Gavin once again saw his expression waiver. Something told him that Aiden may not be as devout as he was coming off. The only problem was getting him to admit it. Something he didn’t seem to be willing to do.

“Of course.” Aiden answered. “And as I said, it is in your best interest to let me return to the Church.”

“Why is that?” Gavin asked. 

Aiden’s eyes were as icy as ever as he looked back to Gavin. “You don’t know who you’re dealing with. They will be… displeased with me, if they learn that I’ve been compromised.”

“Like hell we’re sending you back there.” Hank growled. “I’m not letting you out of my sight.”

Aiden looked down at the table and Gavin thought he might see fear in his eyes before he looked back up again, declaring, “I won’t say anything else until you bring Connor here.”

Both officers frowned at this. 

Hank said, “Not happening.” 

Gavin said, “If we bring him in, you’ll tell us everything?”

“Like hell I’m getting him involved in this, Reed.” Hank turned angry eyes on Gavin.

Finally Gavin turned to look at Hank. “Do you really think he won’t want to come in once we tell him his brother is alive?”

“I don’t give a damn what he _wants_ , Gavin.”

“You should. He can make his own choices.”

“You don’t know what choices he’s even capable of making.”

“ _You_ underestimate him.”

“Don’t speak to me like you understand.”

“I understand just fine.”

“He’s _not_ getting himself involved in this.”

“Are you gonna lock him in a hospital if he tries?”

Hank looked like he’d been slapped in the face and Gavin realized he’d gone too far.

Before Hank could respond, Aiden cut in then to remind them, “I’ll only talk when my brother is here.” And the Detective realized how unprofessional it was to have this conversation in front of a suspect.

Both men turned to look at him in unison and Gavin saw the stubborn old man beside him in Aiden’s eyes and knew right then that he definitely wasn’t as far gone as he’d have them believe. 

“Fine.” Hank reluctantly agreed, storm clouds brewing in his eyes. He stood and Gavin followed suit.

“In the meantime,” Gavin spoke, “To make me feel better, why don’t you spend this time in a holding cell? It’s much more comfy than this stuffy room.”

He heard Hank take in a breath, but he stayed silent as Gavin rounded the table and took Aiden’s arm to lead him out. 

“Keep an eye on my son, Reed.” Hank called to him, “Or we’ll have serious issues.”

Gavin looked back to him to see him put his cell phone up to his ear and was suddenly glad that he didn’t have to be the one to break the news to Connor.

When Gavin tucked Aiden safely inside of the cell, the younger man eyed him like a cat watching its prey. 

“Why do you talk about my brother like you’re close to him? Who are you to be so involved with my family?” 

The image of the kiss he and Connor had shared the night before ran through Gavin’s mind. 

“Are they still your family?” he asked, not interested in playing whatever game Aiden wanted to start. “Are the Church members not your family now? What if neither your father or your brother want to convert when your reckoning happens? Will you cull them along with the rest?”

Aiden grabbed the bars that separated him and Gavin, looking like he’d pounce if they weren’t there. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Which is why I can’t wait for you to enlighten me. Let’s just hope it’s worth dragging them into this.” 

Aiden’s knuckles were white as he clutched the iron and Gavin so desperately wanted to know what he was hiding, but he knew now wasn’t the time. Instead of pressing further, he started to walk away. 

“No one is going to touch my family.” Aiden finally said before Gavin was able to turn the corner. Looking back to him, he saw the cold that had rested in Aiden’s gaze all night replaced with a fire he’d only ever seen in the two Anderson’s he’d known. “I can promise you that much.”

Without another word, Gavin left to collapse at his desk and maybe prepare himself for whatever shitstorm was about to happen.

—-

It had been entirely too long since Gavin’s last cigarette and he was going to savor this moment for as long as he could. The warm breeze of the late morning air felt good against his skin. He knew it would be hot as shit once noon rolled around, but for now he was content.

Detective Reed had no idea how he’d gotten himself in his current position, and he didn’t know how to feel about it. Of all the people in the world for his dumbass heart to pick, it had to be the one kid who was tangled up in the world’s biggest web of shit Gavin had ever seen. 

It was a bad idea for him to be this involved, but if no one was going to keep him from it, he wasn’t going to back down. Maybe Fowler knew how much this case meant to him, or maybe it was something else, but Gavin was determined to see this through to the end, no matter how difficult it would be.

Taking a long drag of the cigarette, Gavin tried not to worry about what would happen once Connor arrived, but he didn’t have long to fail at this before he saw the familiar figure round the corner.

“Shit.” Gavin said to himself as he threw the stick on the ground, stomping it out. 

Connor, who was all but running down the sidewalk, spotted Gavin and made a beeline for him. Once he got close enough, he wheezed out, “W-where… where is he? My… my dad said… Aiden…”

Gavin took him by the shoulders, “Take a breath, Con. Passing out from hyperventilation isn’t gonna help anything here.”

They stood until Connor’s breathing started to slow and Gavin finally spoke up again.

“Aiden is inside. I’m sure your father told you what happened.” 

Connor turned his wild eyes on Gavin once more as he said, “He said he was alive and something about kidnapping and a cult. Is he okay, Gavin? My father said he was, but… I just need to know. Please.”

“Physically, he’s fine.” 

“What does that mean?” Connor grabbed Gavin’s arms as he asked. “What does that mean, Gav?” 

Gavin sighed, taking Connor’s face in his hands, “It means that he’s not hurt, in fact, it looks like whoever they are were nurturing him. But… there’s been obvious signs of brainwashing, and we want to see just how deep it’s gone.”

“Brainwashing?” Connor asked, visibly calming, but still obviously unhappy with this information. Not that Gavin could blame him. 

Pulling away, Gavin gestured to the building. “Let’s go inside, and I’ll tell you everything I know.”

Connor eyed the front doors with clear fear.

“Hey,” Gavin took him gently by the shoulders to look in his eyes, “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. You can go home and we’ll figure something else out.”

Connor’s brows furrowed in determination as he said, “Yes, I do. I have to do this.”

With that, Gavin led him inside. It took all of thirty seconds for Hank to find them and pry Connor away to sit him down at the old man’s desk. Twenty minutes later, Gavin had told both of the Andersons everything he knew to varying responses. Hank was growling to himself and Connor was quiet throughout.

Finally, he spoke up in a small voice, “Gavin, the men in the masks I saw… was that him?”

A heavy sigh left Gavin’s lips as he answered, “I don’t know. Maybe.”

“Wait, you’ve seen these lunatics before?” Hank asked, clearly unhappy at the thought.

Connor nodded before asking, “If that was him, if he was right there… why didn’t he come up to me? Why… why wouldn’t he let me know he was okay?”

Gavin felt bad for repeating, “I don’t know. Maybe we can find out once you go in.”

Nodding again, Connor’s gaze went to the floor.

“I’ll get him, you two stay here and try to… I don’t know fuckin’ meditate or something.”

Hank scoffed at this, but didn’t argue and Gavin started towards the holding cells.

He made it about halfway before he felt a hand turn him around and Hank was standing in front of him. Gavin couldn’t help his eyes darting towards Connor who sat straight backed with his hands in his lap. His tapping foot and far away gaze were the only signs that something was wrong.

“Listen, Reed.” Hank started, “Not that I need to prove anything to you of all people, but… I sent Connor to the hospital because I couldn’t take care of him.” Gavin, who hadn’t been expecting this at all, merely listened. “You may think I’m some asshole who wants to control his son, but I did what I did for his own good. Like I always do. If I hadn’t, he could’ve-“ He paused, collecting himself. “So, don’t lecture me on being a father. You have no idea what it’s like.”

“You’re right.” Gavin said and Hank deflated. “I shouldn’t have brought that up. I don’t know what it was like for you.” He paused before saying something he’d never thought he’d say to Hank Anderson. “I’m sorry.”

“Damn.” Hank muttered at this. “Pigs must be flyin’ outside.”

Rolling his eyes, Gavin turned back towards the cells, “Don’t get used to it, old man.” He heard Hank bark out a laugh, and for the first time probably ever, he thought maybe one day he could get along with the Lieutenant. Maybe.

For now, he needed to get past this absolute disaster.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof. Guess who works in healthcare and is at work a million hours a week. It’s me, ya girl. Sorry for the late update. Hope you like it!

It was strange to be staring at the third Anderson through the one way glass with Connor now standing on this side. With both of them in Gavin’s visual range, he could more easily point out their differences. 

The most prominent at this moment was just how fidgety Connor was; absently flipping what looked to be a quarter back and forth in his hands as he quietly watched his brother. Aiden was utterly still, eyes on the door in front of him. Gavin was once again reminded of a cat, patiently waiting for its next meal to reveal itself.

His hair was stick straight and Gavin had a feeling that it would be immaculately combed back if he hadn’t spent the night in a police station. Instead, it was messily done, as if he’d run his hands through it in an attempt to replicate the style. 

Again Gavin was struck by the look in his eyes. Cold, calculating, as if he was thinking of every possible move he could do in this scenario. If this were anyone else, the Detective would want the pleasure of squeezing every last piece of information out of him until that stupid smug look was gone. Except, it wasn’t anyone else. And he wasn’t entirely sure how to go about this.

Gavin had to remind himself that Aiden was a victim here, too. As hard as he was making it.

Finally turning away, he ignored the urge to take Connor’s hands in his, too aware of Hank’s gaze just behind them. Instead, he offered the younger man an encouraging expression as he asked, “Are you ready?”

Connor turned to look at him and blinked as if it were the first time he’d actually seen him since he’d arrived. “What happened to your face?” He asked rather bluntly and Gavin had to hold back a chuckle. Now wasn’t the time.

“He did.” Gavin gestured towards the glass, remembering their sloppy altercation. He could only imagine what lovely shade of purple his face would be at this point. He hadn’t bothered to look in a mirror to find out.

A deep frown creased Connor’s forehead as he responded, “That doesn’t sound like Aiden.” His concern was contagious and Gavin had to keep himself from catching it.

“He might not be the same as you remember, Con. I’m sorry to say that.”

Hank snorted at this, finally speaking up. “So far, he’s not much different. He was always a little shit.” But there was fondness hiding in his voice that Gavin had learned to find.

Connor gave him an accusatory look as he responded, “Don’t say that. You were always too hard on him.”

Surprisingly, Hank conceded and merely muttered, “Yeah, maybe.”

Clearing his throat, Gavin asked a second time, “Are you ready?”

This time, Connor nodded, answering simply, “Yes.”

It was enough for Gavin to start leading him out. Miraculously, he’d somehow convinced Hank to stay behind for the initial meeting. Maybe it helped that he could still see them through the glass. Whatever it was, Gavin was glad of it. He didn’t know if he could deal with all of them in one room at once. It just might be too much for the poor guy to handle.

Taking in a breath, Gavin opened the door to the interrogation room and noticed how Aiden straightened as they shuffled in. He didn’t stand this time, merely peering at Connor as Gavin managed to sit him down.

The look in his eyes was softer than Gavin had seen it before, his voice less sharp as he uttered, “Hey, bro.”

Gavin couldn’t see Connor’s expression as he sat beside him, but the waiver in his voice was apparent as he answered, “Hey, Nines.”

Instantly, the softness in Aiden’s eyes vanished, replaced with cold disdain. “Don’t call me that.” He snapped, and Gavin felt Connor flinch at the sudden change. It was going to be hard to stay professional through this encounter.

“Sorry.” Connor’s response was instant and Gavin figured he better change the flow of the conversation.

“So, you agreed to cooperate if we brought Connor in. He’s here, now are you ready to answer our questions?”

Aiden turned to him and Gavin had the very real fear that he’d jump across the table to attack. He really should have put the handcuffs back on.

“Where is my father?” Aiden asked, as unhelpful as ever. “Is he there?” He gestured towards the mirror and Gavin nodded. “Good.”

Not sure how to take this comment, Gavin went forward with the questioning.

“You mentioned a ‘Reckoning’ earlier. Is there any particular date that’s set for this? If so, what is it?”

“I’m not privy to that sort of information, I’m afraid.”

“Then who is privy?”

“The Apostles. Our leaders.”

“And who are these Apostles?”

“You wouldn’t know them.” The snark in this comment was enough to get Gavin riled up, but he did his best to remain calm. It wasn’t his strong suit in these situations, but fuming wouldn’t help matters. Besides, he could tell that Aiden was trying to get a rise out of him, and he was not willing to give him the satisfaction.

“Still,” Gavin started, fake smile plastered on. “Why don’t you give it a shot? I might surprise you.”

Aiden gave him a once over before responding, “I highly doubt that.”

Hank had been right, he _was_ a little shit. But, Gavin could handle it.

“Aiden,” Connor spoke up again, interrupting their exchange. “I saw you. That was you, right? At the Halloween party? You were there.”

Aiden seemed to be thrown off by this, and Gavin could see him struggle to keep up the icy mask. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yes, you do.” Connor insisted. “I saw you in that mask. Why didn’t you say something to me? Why didn’t you let me know you were okay?”

Aiden’s eye twitched, but he was clearly not ready to give up. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Gavin spoke up again, hoping to use the conversation to his advantage. “Why were you at the school in the first place?”

It took him a moment to answer, and he didn’t take his eyes off of Connor as he did, “We were recruiting. I didn’t know you were there. I was doing my job.”

“That’s bullshit.” Connor snapped. “You were _following_ me. I thought I was being paranoid at the time, but now I know. When I left, you followed me out. Why didn’t you talk to me?”

“You don’t understand.” 

“Then _tell_ me!”

“I CAN’T.” Aiden slapped the table so hard it made Connor jump and Gavin knew it had to hurt. “Jesus Christ, Connor, you have no idea how hard I’m trying to protect you, here!”

This seemed to have stunned Connor into silence, but the momentary break in Aiden’s composure was just what Gavin had been hoping for. 

“What are you protecting him from? The culling? You said that the Church would be displeased with you if they find out you’re here. What does that mean? What will they do to you if they find out?”

Aiden set his gaze on Gavin once more, and he could see some of the fire he’d noticed in the holding cell. “What they do to me doesn’t matter. I can take anything they try.”

“Him, then.” Gavin gestured to Connor. Aiden seemed to crack a little more at this. “And your father. Will they hurt them if they find out?”

“No one is going to hurt them.” He insisted.

“You said that before. But, if you really want to ensure that they stay safe, you’ll tell us everything. If we know what we’re dealing with, we can take them down so they can’t hurt anyone anymore.”

For a moment, it looked like Aiden might want to believe him, but Gavin should have known it wouldn’t be that easy.

“The only way to ensure their safety is for you to let me go back. I don’t know how many times I have to say it.”

“N-Aiden.” Connor’s voice was small as he spoke. “Please. Please don’t do this. I-I know how much you like to hold all the cards, but… just please. I miss you.” 

A long, low sigh left Aiden as he rubbed his face with both hands, “Shit, Connor. You’re lucky I’m as smart as I am, or you’d be talking to a zealot right now and this would be going a lot differently.”

Gavin scoffed at this before he could stop himself and he figured he earned Aiden’s glare.

“I don’t trust you.” The young man snapped. “I want my father instead.”

“Unfortunately for you, that’s not how this works.” Gavin retorted, unable to help the triumph he felt at Aiden’s obvious irritation.

“I trust him.” Connor said, probably trying to dissolve the tension between the two. “It’s okay.”

For a moment, Aiden merely looked back and forth between them, eyes narrow. Finally he spoke to Connor once more, “Since you want to know so badly, yes, I saw you at the party. I didn’t know you were there until I saw you. Once I did… I compromised our mission because I needed to see if you were alright. It had been… so long since I’d seen you and it was just… hard to leave. 

“Markus didn’t like it. We were there for a reason, but I was too busy getting sidetracked with you.”

“Markus?” Gavin cut in. “Markus Manfred?” He recognized the name from the list of teens in the case file. His abduction had been somewhat of a news story as his father was supposedly a bit of a big deal in the art community. Eventually, though, the story died down. As they always do.

Aiden ignored him and continued his story. “My excuse was that I thought you might be a good fit for us and I wanted to observe you. It was fucking stupid because I almost got you taken, but I convinced them to leave.”

“So, you don’t believe in this rA9, after all?” Gavin questioned again.

This time Aiden answered him, “No. I told you. I’m smart. I learned before they finished their little brainwashing scheme that it was better just to pretend. I’m not the only one, of course. But, we know to keep our true feelings to ourselves.”

“If you didn’t believe in this savior, why didn’t you run away? Why did you stay in this organization?”

“Wow, you really don’t listen, do you?” Aiden rolled his eyes, and Gavin very much wanted to punch him in the face. It was an exercise in self control that he stayed in his seat. “I stayed to protect them.” He waved his arm at Connor. “The Apostles make sure you know what they’ll do to your family if you turn against them. If I just went home, I’d be signing their death certificates. Or worse.”

“Worse?” Gavin prodded.

“Indoctrination.” The disgust in his voice at this one word was all Gavin needed to know that he was, for once, not full of shit.

“You should have come home.” Connor’s voice was sharp. “Whatever happened would have been better than-“ He cut himself off. 

“You don’t understand.” Aiden countered and this time it was Connor’s turn to get angry. 

He shot out of his chair, looking daggers at Aiden. “If one more person tells me what I fucking understand.“ He took in a shaky breath. “ _You_ don’t understand. You don’t know how hard it was when you di- when you were taken.”

“Con.” Gavin tried to cool him down, but it did nothing.

“Our father almost killed himself because you were gone! You could have come back, but you didn’t!” He balled his fists in frustration. “God, you don’t always know better than everyone else, Aiden. Just for once can you get your head out of your ass and admit that! I’m not stupid. I do understand what you’re saying, but you were gone and it was so fucking hard. Whatever shit storm you would have brought by coming home would have been okay because we would have been together.” With that, he threw up his hands, and stormed out of the room.

Gavin knew he should follow and check on him, but he turned his attention back to Aiden instead. The look of shock and horror on his face was the only sense of satisfaction Gavin could get out of this moment, but it wasn’t enough to outweigh the sorrow he felt for the two Anderson’s who’d been left behind.

Reigning himself in, Aiden looked to Gavin once more. “You.” He started, “Whatever you are to my brother, you think you’re capable of keeping him safe?”

Gavin nodded at this, not lying when he answered, “I know I am.”

He was quiet for a moment, studying the determined expression on the Detective’s face. “Fine. Then I’ll talk. But first, I want to go home.”


	7. Chapter 7

This was probably a bad idea. In fact, he knew it was a bad idea. But, there was no arguing with the family he’d gotten himself mixed up with. So here he sat, in a shiny police car, parked right outside of the Anderson household and occupying himself by trying to spy the dog through the windows. Somehow, Fowler had let Aiden go home. As long as there was 24/7 surveillance of the house. 

As far as Gavin was concerned, he was still a flight risk. But, he also took Aiden’s warnings to heart. If this organization was as powerful as he had hinted at, Gavin didn’t want to take any chances. After all, he _had_ made a promise that he would keep them safe. As much as he didn’t like Aiden, he kind of understood where he was coming from.

For now, since they hadn’t been able to catch any of the other ‘Chosen’, Aiden was all they had to go off of, and he needed to be watched over.

Still, that didn’t mean Gavin didn’t find it incredibly boring. Podcasts could only go so far when you were pulling an all-nighter. He hadn’t technically had to do this, it was something mostly reserved for petty officers. But, something about the look in Aiden’s eyes as he’d warned Gavin had him signing up for the first watch.

It was around four hours in, after the sun had set, that Connor appeared from the front door and made his way to Gavin’s car. Two styrofoam cups were in his hands, and he offered Gavin a small smile as he got closer. 

Rolling down the window, Gavin gave him a quizzical look. “How can I help you, Mister Anderson?’”

“I thought you might want some coffee.” Connor replied, holding out one of the cups through the open window.

“Thanks.” Gavin found his lips turning upwards as he accepted the drink. Honestly, he didn’t even care if it tasted good, it was something. It had been entirely too many hours since he’d slept. He’d take almost anything at this point.

“Also,” Connor started, “I was wondering if I could hang out with you for a little bit.”

Gavin cocked his head to the side, curious. “You don’t want to spend time with your brother?”

Frowning, Connor shrugged, “Well, at the moment, he and my dad are… disagreeing. It’s better to let them work it out themselves and I’d rather be in a calmer environment for the time being.”

Gavin shook his head but unlocked the doors. “Come on in. Although I gotta tell ya, it’s not exactly action-packed out here.”

Connor moved to the passenger side and opened the door, flopping down on the seat and bringing his familiar smell with him. Gavin hadn’t realized how comforting the floral scent (must be the Herbal Essences shampoo) had become to him until he felt his nerves calm just a bit.

“That’s okay.” Connor muttered as he settled in. “I’d quite like to do something mundane for a while.”

“Are you calling me mundane?” Gavin asked in a faux offended voice.

“No. You just said-” Connor’s face went from defense to understanding as he finished, “Oh, you were joking.”

Grinning at this, Gavin took a sip of the coffee and was pleasantly surprised to find it was pretty damn good.

They let silence settle over them for a moment and, of course, Gavin’s mind began to race because of it. There were so many things he wanted to say to Connor. They hadn’t really had time to talk since their kiss and everything with Aiden had happened so fast. He knew he should say something comforting or reassuring, but he was coming up blank. This is why he didn’t get close to people. Inevitably, his ability to communicate correctly would start to fizzle out.

“Gavin?” Connor inquired, saving him from having to make the first move.

“Hmm?” He replied, eyes on the house in case this turned awkward.

“I wanted to thank you for last night.” 

“For what exactly?” He didn’t remember doing anything worth being thanked over.

“You know, for being understanding. And for kissing me.”

Gavin choked on the sip of coffee he’d decided to take at that time, and after a moment of a mixture of coughing and laughing, he managed to speak. “You did not just thank me for kissing you.”

“Are you not supposed to do that?”

Finally, Gavin turned amused eyes on the hopeless guy next to him. His ridiculously earnest look reminded Gavin that he was also completely hopeless when it came to him. “People don’t generally do that, no.”

“Oh.” Connor seemed to think this over. “Well, maybe they should. Especially when it’s so nice.”

Goddammit, he was so adorable, it had to be illegal.

“Well, you’re welcome, I guess.” Gavin chuckled. “Though, technically you kissed me first.”

Connor groaned at this, eyes finding the coffee cup in his hands. “That doesn’t count. It was really bad.”

“Yeah.” Gavin agreed. “But, I’m still glad you did it.”

Brown eyes, earnest and bright, found Gavin’s as he murmured, “I am, too.” He paused before adding, “And I would very much like to do it again. Only better.”

Gavin leaned in closer, exhaling a laugh, “Go for it, big guy.”

Luckily, it was much better than the first time. Maybe it was because it wasn’t happening in a rush of emotions, or because Gavin ended up taking the lead, but by the end of it his heart was racing and his breathing was heavy. Connor didn’t seem to be faring much better, but the grin on his face reminded him that he wasn’t alone in loving it.

“I’m supposed to be watching your house, you know.” Gavin teased. “Now who’s the bad influence?”

“Sorry.” Connor responded, but the glint in his eyes said he was not sorry, at all.

Gavin shook his head, looking away again and wondering just what this would mean for them. Any sort of relationship with Connor wasn’t exactly standard, and he wasn’t quite sure where it went from here. At the moment, though, he supposed it didn’t really matter.

“Hey, are you okay?” Gavin cut through the good mood like a sharp knife, as was his specialty.

Connor seemed thrown off by this question and he frowned, picking at the lid of his cup. “Yes, I’m alright.” His answer seemed a little too automatic for Gavin’s liking.

“Are you sure?” Gavin prodded. “Because, it’s okay if you’re not. This is a lot.” Honestly, he had no idea what he would do if he were in Connor’s shoes at the moment.

A shrug was Connor’s only response, which was worrisome.

“You can tell me how you’re feeling, you know.” Gavin paused, treading a sensitive topic. “ _Are_ you feeling?” 

This made Connor find his gaze again as he quietly admitted, “I don’t know.” 

It wasn’t the answer he was hoping for, but it wasn’t the worst. “Well, you seemed to be feeling a lot of things back at the station.”

“Yeah. But, ever since we came home, it’s like, I don’t know, I can’t find them anymore. The feelings, I mean.” 

Gavin wanted to say he understood even though he really didn’t. It was frustrating and he didn’t know how to help. “Hmm.” He thought on what he could say next. “Well, when we kissed just now, did you feel something then?”

Connor nodded, “Yeah. I could feel that.”

“Good.” Gavin offered him a reassuring smile. “That’s good. It means you’re not shutting down.”

“I hope not.” Connor said expression worried. “I don’t want to get like that again. I’d rather just be angry.”

“If it’ll help, when you don’t think you can feel anything, you can always punch me. People tend to get a lot of satisfaction out of that.”

Clearly appalled, Connor shot back, “I don’t want to punch you!” 

“Ooh, congratulations, you’re the only person who’s met me to say that.”

“That can’t be true.”

“It is, I swear!”

Huffing out a sigh, Connor slumped back in his seat, staring out at the empty neighborhood street. “I know I should be happy he’s alive. I know that because I’ve seen movies where people get reunited and they’re always hugging and laughing and jumping up and down. But, I don’t want to do any of that.”

“To be fair,” Gavin cut in, “Movies like that aren’t exactly realistic. Nothing is ever really that simple.” 

“Maybe not.” Connor muttered, going quiet after this. 

Setting down his cup, Gavin did something he’d been wanting to do for a while. He took Connor’s hand in both of his, squeezing it reassuringly. It was soft, but cold, even though he’d been clutching his coffee. “Don’t worry. You’ll be alright. As stubborn as you are, I can guarantee you that.”

The corner of Connor’s mouth tipped upwards ever so slightly as he all but whispered, “Thanks.”

Another prodding question entered Gavin’s mind, but he couldn’t help himself as he asked, “Why did you call him Nines? It seems like an odd nickname for Aiden.” 

A look that could only be described as melancholy made its way onto Connor’s face as he answered, “It was a stupid nickname that I came up with when we were kids. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Aiden tends to want everyone to think he’s the smartest guy in the room.” 

“You don’t say?” Gavin said, earning a look from his friend.

“Yes, well, he’s always been like that. At one point, I think we were about ten, he went through a phase where he thought if he was dressed up all the time, he’d look even smarter. He made our dad buy him all these ridiculous clothes, and dad joked that he was always ‘dressed to the nines’. Eventually it just evolved into me calling him Nines whenever he was acting smart just to act smart. And then, I don’t know, it just became commonplace.” He paused, expression going troubled. “I don’t know why he was so upset about it, though.”

Gavin frowned at this, unable to give Connor a real answer. “I’m not sure. Maybe you can ask him, see if it’ll get him to open up.” 

“Maybe.” Connor quietly agreed, though he didn’t sound convinced. 

It was such a little thing, but being an only child, Gavin couldn’t say he understood it. What was it like to have inside jokes with people you knew as well as yourself? Hell, what was it even like to know someone like that? With a familiar pain, he wondered if he would ever get to know the answer.

After this, they fell quiet, letting the voice of Neil DeGrasse Tyson quietly talk to them about space from the car speakers. It was something Connor had gotten Gavin into as much as he didn’t quite understand everything the scientist was saying. 

Gavin went back to watching the house, one hand still in Connor’s as his thumb absently drew circles on the back. At one point, when the lights started going out, Gavin spied Hank peering through the window. He raised his free hand in acknowledgment and even from here, he could see the disapproving look. In any other situation, it would be amusing.

It was after Connor had fallen asleep and Gavin’s brain was filled with useless facts about the universe that he noticed movement. Luckily, he was parked where he could see the side window and the fact that it was sliding open, with a mass of gangly limbs starting to poke out of it. Had Hank really left him alone?

“Shit.” He muttered, gently pulling his hand out of Connor’s and getting out of his car as gracefully as possible to avoid waking him. Once outside, he sprinted towards the house, “Hey!” He shouted. “Are you actually trying this right now?”

Aiden glanced at him, closing the window, “Shut up, will you?”

“What the hell are you doing?” Gavin finally caught up. “You’re not gonna make me chase you across the goddamn city again, are you?” He was really not in the mood for that. In fact, he wasn’t in the mood for this, at all. He’d been perfectly content where he was.

“No, because you’re going to let me go.” 

Gavin barked out a laugh at this. “Why the hell would I do that?”

“Because it’s what’s best for them. And you want that. Why else would you be here right now?”

“Was this really your plan?” Gavin groaned. “Convincing me to let you come home and trying to escape ten minutes later? Really? I mean, I have a taser right here. You’re not going anywhere.” Pulling it out to show him didn’t seem to make him feel any different.

“Why can’t you understand, you stupid oaf?” Aiden snapped. “Going back to the church is the only way to keep their sights off this place. You think they don’t know where I live? You think your police will be the only people watching?”

Gavin ignored the insult, but the warning did make him uneasy. That didn’t mean he was going to let him go. It just meant he was going to up the patrol cars. “Listen to me, you little shit. I already told you I would do everything I could to keep all of you safe. It doesn’t matter whether or not you think it’s enough, because you are not calling the shots.

“I’ll tell _you_ what’s best for them because unlike you, I’ve been around them for more than five minutes. If you go back to that place, you might as well take a baseball bat to both of their heads.”

Aiden scowled at this, but at least he was paying attention.

“Instead of running away from them, why don’t you actually try talking to them, huh? Or try to understand what they went through.” He paused before continuing, “Look, I know you think you haven’t been brainwashed, but maybe you need to look at this differently. They thought you were dead, now they get to have you back. What do you think that will do to them if you’re gone again?”

As much as he’d tried to convince Connor that he’d be okay, the truth was that Gavin didn’t know. Especially if he lost Aiden again. Gavin refused to see him lose himself. Hell, he didn’t even know if he was strong enough to help him through it. It wasn’t exactly like Gavin was the poster boy for perfect mental health.

“At least they’ll be alive.” Aiden sounded impatient as if he were talking to a stubborn toddler. The taser was starting to sound really tempting at the moment. 

“Sometimes just being alive isn’t enough.” As someone who’d lived a lie for the past eight years, surely he had to understand.

“You really care about them that much?” Aiden asked, arms crossed. Out here, under the moonlight, wearing Connor’s clothes, he looked young and lost. Gavin almost felt bad for him. Almost.

“Yeah, I guess I do.”

Aiden was quiet for a moment, clearly torn. Gavin wondered what exactly was going through his mind, and if he was going to try running again. 

“Well, he seems to trust you enough.” Aiden nodded towards the car where Connor was still sleeping. He paused again before finally relenting. “If anything happens to them, I’ll personally slit your throat.”

Gavin did not doubt that he was telling the truth. “If anything happens to them, you’ll have my permission.” Yeah, he was in that deep.

“Hm.” Aiden studied Gavin for a moment before turning back to the window. “Don’t tell them about this, will you? I’m sure you care enough to spare them this.” 

Crawling back inside with more grace than Gavin could ever muster in his life, Aiden was gone and the Detective breathed a sigh of relief. Jesus, this family was going to be the death of him.

Grumbling to himself, he made his way back to the car. Connor’s wide eyes greeted him once he was inside, something he was hoping he wouldn’t see.

“Did he leave?” He asked.

“No.” Gavin replied, eyeing his friend warily.

Moving his gaze back to the house, a single tear rolled down his face as Connor said, “I see.”

That tear was a knife to Gavin’s heart and he had to keep himself from wiping it away. “Go to bed, Con.” He said instead. “He’ll still be there in the morning. I’ll happily taser his ass if he tries to leave again.”

“Alright. I’m tired, anyway.” There were no inflections in his voice as he spoke, and he began to climb out of the car. 

Gavin knew he should say something to him, anything really. But nothing came and he just watched him retreat into his house. It was only after he disappeared that a singular, “Fuck.” left his lips.

\---

It had been five minutes since his eyes had opened. He could hear the birds chirping outside but try as he might, he couldn’t make out any distinctive noises in the house. He didn’t even have to look at the clock to know what time it was. 6:30 am, the same time he woke up every day. 

Well, 6:35 now.

He didn’t know why he’d expected anyone else to be up. His father barely made it to work on time most days, and Aiden… well Connor didn’t know what time Aiden woke anymore.

When they were younger, Aiden was always first. First to get up, first in the bathroom, first to finish his homework, first across the finish line when they’d run track, first to make friends, first to make their father proud.

The only time Aiden had ever come in second was when they were born, and it had seemed like he’d spent the rest of his life trying to make up for it.

Connor only had two more minutes before he needed to get up. 

Every day he was out of bed by 6:37, in the shower by 6:40, and making breakfast by 6:55. His father would shuffle into the kitchen anywhere between 7:20 and 7:45. Connor had stopped asking a long time ago if he could kindly pick a time. Not knowing exactly how many minutes he had to prepare was a little difficult, but he’d learned to make it work.

Of course, his routine had been interrupted multiple times in the past few months when he’d decided to stay the night at Gavin’s apartment. The first time had been an accident, and the second had been an attempt to be there when the Detective came home.

He hadn’t, of course. And Connor had woken up to a call from his father letting him know that one of his fundamental beliefs had been a lie.

He pushed the memory of the phone call from his mind as he crept into the hallway and paused, turning to look at Aiden’s closed door. Connor could remember a time all too well when he would wake up in Aiden’s abandoned bed without realizing he’d entered the room at all. Luckily, his father never found out. Or if he did, he didn’t mention it. 

Now, he had the urge to go in, to see if his brother was still there, or if he would be gone again. But, he didn’t have the strength, so he went about his shower instead.

It was already 7 o’clock before Connor made his way to the kitchen, and he was cursing himself for being late. If he couldn’t even control what time he made breakfast, what _could_ he control?

Apparently nothing, as his entire morning was thrown off by the scene he found once he reached his destination.

Aiden was already sitting at the table, coffee in hand, breakfast waiting. At the very least, he was still wearing the tee shirt and pants that Connor had given him to sleep in, his hair mussed from sleep. This was… strange.

“Morning Sunshine.” Aiden greeted once he noticed Connor. “The old man isn’t up yet, but he’ll just have to deal with cold waffles.” He motioned towards a chair, “Sit.”

Confused and angry with himself for being so lost in his own head that he hadn’t smelled the food, Connor obeyed. He didn’t immediately begin eating, though, instead looking from his brother to the food like he was expecting it all to vanish. And maybe he was.

“Go on, it’s good. I promise. It’s been a while since I’ve cooked, but I found it’s much like riding a bike.” The smile that accompanied this statement was blinding.

Silently, Connor did as he was told, keenly aware of Aiden’s eyes on him as he ate.

“You’re different. I don’t like it.” Aiden said, and Connor choked on his bite of food before swallowing.

“ _I’m_ different?” He asked, incredulous. “You’re joking, right?”

Aiden’s eyes narrowed into a scrutinizing expression that Connor realized he hadn’t missed. “No. But, I guess it’s to be expected. Considering.”

Connor wasn’t sure that he could expect anything from his brother right now. Hell, he still wasn’t even sure exactly where he’d been or what he’d been through. In true Aiden fashion, he was only cooperating on his own terms, and no one was going to get anything out of him until he let them.

When it was clear that Connor was going to remain quiet, Aiden continued. “Anyway, how is school? Knowing you, you’re top of every class, right?”

“I don’t know.” Connor answered, even though he did. Aiden was right, but for some reason, it was hard for Connor to let him know. Maybe it was because he was still upset with him, or because he was still expecting him to disappear. Whatever the reason, Connor was inclined to be just as difficult as his brother.

Aiden scoffed, taking a sip of his coffee before speaking again, “I’ll bet at least three people a week ask you to tutor them.”

With a frustrated sigh, Connor set down his fork and looked his brother in the eye. “What is this?”

Confusion knitted Aiden’s brows together as he asked, “What is what?”

“Don’t do that. Making breakfast, a-and asking about my school. You’re acting like you moved to another town, not… not whatever happened.”

Running a hand through his hair, Aiden gently placed his coffee on the table before replying. “Breakfast was an apology for being an ass to you yesterday. And it might seem crazy to you, but I actually do care how you’re doing in life.”

An unamused laugh came out of Connor without his consent, “I don’t believe you.”

What looked like real hurt crossed Aiden’s features before he composed himself, “Why not?”

“Because I don’t know you anymore.” 

It was a simple fact, one that Connor had accepted five minutes after he’d seen Aiden in the precinct. As much as Aiden claimed Connor was different, he was much more changed.

Looking down at the plate in front of him, Aiden nodded. “I suppose that’s fair. There’s a lot of things you don’t know.”

“And you won’t tell me.” Connor finished for him.

“I will.” Aiden’s gaze moved back to his brother. “Just not right now.”

They were quiet for a moment before Connor asked the only real question he had.

“Are you going to leave again?”

Aiden merely looked at him for a long time before finally answering, “Between you and me, I don’t want to. But, I might have to.”

It should have hurt to hear. It should have made Connor angry or sad or upset, but he didn’t feel anything, so he merely said, “I see.” and went back to eating.

Another silence fell that Aiden ultimately broke. 

“Did dad really shove you in a looney bin?”

The awful squeak of Connor’s fork slipping on his plate sounded as he merely stared at it. How was he supposed to answer this question? One option would be to simply say ‘yes’, but then Aiden would ask questions that Connor wasn’t equipped to answer at the moment. So, instead he said, “No.”

“Liar.”

At least Connor was starting to feel something now. The only problem was that he was feeling like he might throw up his breakfast.

“Why did he do it? What did you do?” There was something in Aiden’s voice that finally turned Connor’s head.

“Nothing.” This, at least, was the truth.

“Nothing?”

“I went for a walk.”

“A walk?”

“What, are you a parrot now?”

“No, I’m just trying to figure it out.”

“Why should I tell you my secrets if you won’t tell me yours?”

This made Aiden pause and he looked Connor up and down before muttering, “You really are different.”

Something one of Connor’s doctors had said to him resurfaced in his mind, “I am what my circumstances made me.”

Aiden didn’t like this, “You mean, what I made you.”

Connor didn’t like the truth in this, so he shot back, “Everything isn’t always about you.”

A smirk that only Aiden was ever capable of pulling off found its way on his face as he countered, “Isn’t it?”

It was then that their father decided to come meandering in, and Connor wondered if he’d heard their conversation. 

“Aiden.” He ordered, voice gruff. “Go get dressed. We’re leaving for the station in ten minutes.”

“But, I made breakfast.”

“It wasn’t a request.”

Aiden hesitated, but grumbled a “Yes, sir.” As he began to do as he was told.

Hank turned his eyes on Connor who noticed his expression soften when he asked, “Are you coming with us?” 

This was the easiest question he’d been asked all morning. “No.” He answered quietly.

Aiden, who’d been halfway down the hall, came stomping back to say, “Yes, you are!”

Just another odd thing to add to the list. 

“I don’t want to.” Connor stated matter-of-factly.

“But, you have to.” The wild look in Aiden’s eye was confusing, but Connor didn’t care enough to figure it out.

“He doesn’t have to do anything.” Hank piped up, giving Aiden a look that said to back off.

Aiden’s eyes darted to the front door before he asked, “Then there’ll still be police outside, right? Since Connor’s gonna stay?”

“Yes, son. The patrol will still be there. You think this is my first rodeo?” 

Clearing his throat, Aiden regained himself as he answered, “No, of course not.” And quietly excused himself. 

When they were alone, Hank sat down across from Connor before asking, “You alright, son?”

Defaulting to one of his automatic answers, Connor said, “Yes, I’m fine.”

This didn’t seem to make his father happy as he muttered, “Yeah, that’s what worries me.”

“You don’t have to worry.” Connor informed him. “You said there will be someone watching the house.” Part of him wished it would be Gavin, but he knew by this point, it would be someone else.

“Hmm.” Hank didn’t seem to be satisfied by this either, although Connor couldn’t figure out why.

By the time Aiden returned, wearing more of Connor’s clothes, Connor had taken to staring at his plate wondering how much cleaning he could get done before they returned.

“Do me a favor,” Hank said as he stood, “Make sure you actually eat that.” 

Even though he wasn’t hungry, and would more than likely clean the entire kitchen the moment his family left, Connor answered, “Yes, sir.”

“If for whatever reason, you want to go somewhere, Chris can drive you.”

Connor recognized the name of one of the petty officers he’d spoken to during one of his many trips to the station. He liked Chris, but he saw no reason he would need to ride anywhere with him. “Yes, sir.” He repeated.

With a deep sigh, Hank turned towards the front door.

Aiden looked back to him, though. “Connor.”

“Hmm?” He answered automatically.

“I’m sorry.” 

These were two words Connor hadn’t expected from his brother, but he had no response, so he only nodded.

With one last look, Aiden turned away and they both left. When they were gone, a comfortable silence settled on the house and Connor stood, beginning his deep clean of the kitchen.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been like a thousand years since the last chapter. Life is life, ya know? Anyway, I hope anyone who might still be reading this enjoys!

The ten minutes of sleep that Gavin had been able to get, shockingly didn’t bring out his winning personality and he’d all but dragged himself back to the station. At this point, he would only need one excuse to leap over the table and start strangling Aiden Anderson in something akin to The Simpsons. It didn’t help things that Connor had decided not to show. It would have at least put Gavin’s nerves somewhat at ease to see him.

The tension between Hank and his son was palpable as the three men took their seats and Gavin had to wonder what lovely conversations they’d gotten up to while at home. Whatever it was, he just hoped his superior officer could keep his cool during this session. Heaven knew Gavin wasn’t gonna be able to restrain him if it came to that.

“What do you want to know?” Surprisingly, Aiden was the first to speak.

Gavin exchanged a look with Hank before eyeing the boy. “What are you willing to tell us?”

“Whatever will help you burn the Church to the ground. Although I have to tell you, I’m not hopeful that this can be accomplished.”

Aiden seemed different today. He still sat proud and poised, his stance showing no signs of backing down. But, there was a disquiet in his eyes that hadn’t been there before. Gavin didn’t know what to make of it, but he was going to take the opportunity to get what he needed while he could.

“Why don’t you start with who runs the Church? You called them Apostles, right?”

Aiden frowned, eye twitching as if it physically pained him to admit, “The Church is run by CyberLife.” 

Well, that was certainly going to be an issue.

“CyberLife?” Hank interjected. “The medical tech company?” 

Aiden nodded. “You know who owns the company, don’t you?”

“Amanda Stern.” Gavin filled in. Connor had sent him an article on her a while back because he’d thought she was a national hero. From what he could remember, she’d pioneered the new wave of surgical robots who were basically replacing doctors in routine surgeries. Even Gavin had thought something like that impressive.

“You’re not as stupid as you look.” Aiden said, but it was half-hearted and Gavin’s urge to stab him with his pencil was only a mild one. He paused, taking a deep breath and leaning forward as if he were about to spill a deep dark secret and he continued. “We call her Mother. She’s our leader. She personally oversees our… conversion. Then there’s Brother Elijah, her right-hand man.”

“Elijah Kamski.” Hank clarified. Gavin recalled his name in the article, as well. Apparently he was somewhat of an apprentice for Stern.

“Yeah. Him.” Aiden scowled. “He’s never liked me. But, the feeling’s mutual. He’s a know-it-all.”

“Ah, you’d think you two would get along great.” Gavin couldn’t help adding.

Aiden merely gave him an unimpressed look before moving on. “I’ve always thought that he knew. That I wasn’t fully on board, I mean. He just has this way of looking through you, like he knows all of your secrets.

“It wasn’t easy, you know.” Aiden’s gaze flickered to his father. “It was an act that I had to perform flawlessly every single day. Because, if I didn’t… if Mother found out-” Real fear was plain on his face for a moment before he composed himself again. “It wouldn’t have been good.”

In an act of pity, Gavin rerouted the conversation. “You said that CyberLife runs the Church. Does this mean it’s located in the building?” Hell, it was certainly big enough. Gavin had always wondered what they needed 80 floors for.

“Sort of.” Aiden answered. “It’s underground. And you can’t get to it from the main elevator. There’s a back stairwell on the south side of the building. Part of morning drills is going up and down that fucking thing. It’s five stories deep.”

“That’s interesting.” Gavin remarked. He had a feeling that if they managed to get their hands on the blueprints of the building, the staircase and the lower level would not be on it.

“I guess,” Aiden muttered. “Not that it really matters. You’re not gonna get a warrant to search the place. Even with my confession. She’s too smart. She has backup plans for her backup plans. As one of the ‘lucky’ ones that she liked to confide in, she let me know.” He put air quotes around the word lucky and Gavin’s curiosity was piqued by just what that meant. “She was always telling us to believe in the stability of the Church because it would take all the power in Heaven and Hell to break it down.”

It was certainly not ideal. CyberLife had enough money and powerful lawyers to have the DPD up to their eyeballs in work for the next ten years. Fuck. 

Still, whatever it took, Gavin would find a way to crack it open. Because he had no other choice.

“Look,” Aiden started, “There’s a lot of good people mixed up in that place, and what the church has them doing isn’t their fault.”

“I get it.” Gavin said, and while it wasn’t completely true, it also wasn’t a lie. He was far from an expert on cults, but taking impressionable kids made it easier to mold them into what you needed. Except when that kid was a stubborn self-righteous prick. 

Maybe that was a little unfair, but he was running on practically no sleep in the last 48 hours and he still had a shiny bruise on his face. At least Aiden was cooperating now.

So, he pressed on, and by doing so, he learned quite a few things.

For one, he learned that they relied heavily on the emotional toil of a teenager to manipulate them into thinking that this rA9 was the big thing they were looking for in their lives. Obviously, there seemed to be more to it than that, but Aiden was hesitant to describe it in detail. Not that Gavin could blame him. Even if the young man hadn’t been fully converted, whatever they’d done to him couldn’t be an easy memory.

As with most cults (from what he could remember), it seemed the members were cut off from modern media or outside influences. When the kids weren’t out recruiting, they were locked away inside of the Church. Most of their time was spent training or worshipping. What little entertainment they did have was a limited number of books or supplies for art. Apparently, anything not related to their scripture was highly frowned upon or even punishable, depending.

The more Aiden spoke on his fellow recruits, the more Gavin realized that his insistence on going back hadn’t just been for the sake of his family. Even if he hadn’t bought into the crazy shit that was their religion, the church was his home. And maybe those members were a different type of family for him.

At one point, Gavin gave him a sheet of paper to write down every name that he knew, be it a higher-up member, or one of his fellow ‘Chosen’. Unfortunately, his knowledge was limited as quite a few members chose new names upon their indoctrination. Still, a few names were better than none. Especially since he’d already given them the biggest ones.

It was while he was writing that Gavin could see the regret on his face, and he looked up, giving the Detective the most vulnerable expression he’d ever seen from him. “What’s going to happen to them? If you manage to take the Church down?”

He _could_ lie to him, to make his decision to out them easier. But, he wouldn’t.

“I don’t know.” He responded. “If any of your names match up with kids who’ve been reported missing, then we might be able to at least get them out of there.”

Nodding silently, Aiden went back to it, and when he was done, Gavin figured it would be kind of him to give the kid a break. Looking at his watch, he noticed that they’d been at it for nearly five hours. They had enough to go on for now. And if Gavin had any more questions, it wouldn’t be hard to find him.

So, he let Hank take his son back home, all the while wondering if any of them were going to be okay.

\---

By the time he heard his family returning, Connor had cleaned most of the house. The only room he hadn’t touched was Aiden’s. The closed door was more ominous to him than a particularly difficult final exam. 

He was sitting at his desk, laptop open to a paper he’d been trying to write for the last couple days when his father appeared in his doorway, eyeing him closely. 

“Ya didn’t have to play mister maid, you know.” It was an attempt at lightheartedness that Connor appreciated. Even if it didn’t quite land.

“The house was dirty.” He answered simply. 

“I guess.” Came Hank’s unhappy response. Connor turned back to his paper before his father continued, “Hey, I’m gonna go check in with Chris, you sure you’re alright here?’’

“Of course.” He answered without looking away from the screen.

After he heard his father go, another figure appeared in his peripheral vision.

“Hey, can I talk to you out in the living room?” Aiden sounded distracted and unsure.

“I’m working on a paper.” Whatever it was he wanted, Connor didn’t have time for it.

Aiden came forward, grabbing the lid of the laptop and closing it violently. Connor had to move his hands away quickly to avoid getting hit.

“Hey!” He exclaimed, finally turning to look at his brother. There was something in his eyes that he couldn’t place, and quite frankly didn’t want to.

“Now, you’re not working on your paper. Let’s go.” He grabbed Connor’s wrist and yanked him out of his chair. Too stunned to fight him, he simply followed.

When he let go, looking around, Aiden turned back to Connor. “Yeah. This is a good space. Alright.” 

Before he knew what was happening, Aiden grabbed him, much more violently this time and shoved him into the wall, pinning him there.

“What the hell are you doing?” Connor demanded, struggling against him, but his grip was iron.

“Hit me.” Aiden said, equally demanding. 

“What?” Was he crazy? “No. Why does everyone want me to hit them?” He tried to push him off again to no avail.

“Do it, because you want to. I know you do.”

“I don’t want to hit you!”

“Yes you do, you coward. Don’t think I don’t know how pissed you are at me for not being here. I was gone and I knew the church was wrong and I knew you thought I was dead, and I _knew_ you were suffering, but I didn’t come back. So, hit me!”

There was a madness in his expression that Connor had never seen and it made him feel light-headed. “Stop it!” He yelled, finally managing to push Aiden off of him.

“No! I’m gonna fuck with you until you hit me, so you better do it now, Cowboy.” 

“I’m not going to hit you!”

Aiden shoved him then, and Connor’s back collided with the wall. It didn’t really hurt, but he was still stunned.

“Stop fucking looking at me like that! You’re not a fucking deer in the headlights, you hate me. So _do_ something about it!”

“I don’t hate you, Aiden.” Connor snapped back, but his voice cracked and something he hadn’t realized he’d been suppressing started poking at his chest. 

“Oh, spare me this shit. I’ve seen it before and I’m tired of it, so _fucking_ hit me!” He shoved Connor again and when it was clear he still wasn’t going to fight back, Aiden grabbed him, flipping him around so he hit the floor and he had him pinned, knee on his chest, arm on his throat. 

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Connor remembered the maneuver he’d been taught to free himself from this position, but he was still having trouble comprehending that this was happening at all to do something about it.

“You want to know something, Con?” Aiden said, his voice so sharp, it could cut steel. “I told you everything I did was for you and dad, but guess what? That was a fucking lie. I stayed at the Church because I wanted to. I wanted to be there, with those people, because it was better than coming back to this fucking place.”

The poke began to change into the blade of a knife, and for the first time in a long time, Connor could feel it slicing into his skin. “Get off of me!” He struggled, but Aiden held firm.

“I stayed away when I could have come home and dad almost killed himself. I stayed away, and he threw you in a fucking padded cell because he didn’t understand you. No one ever understood you except for me, and I _left_ you. If I’d come back, none of that would have happened, so don’t lie to me and tell me you don’t hate me! For once in your life, do _something_ instead of letting everything happen! HIT ME.”

Finally, the knife had cut so deeply that something was setting itself free. It was dark and angry and Connor was powerless to stop it. He twisted, breaking free of Aiden’s grip and reversed until he had the younger twin pinned in almost the same position. Something akin to happiness lit Aiden’s eyes as he finally got his wish. 

Connor’s fist collided with his face so hard that it jerked his head violently sideways. When he turned back to look up, he was smiling. “There he is.”

But, Connor wasn’t done. He hit him again, and again, and finally Aiden threw him off.

A flurry of emotions sent Connor knocking him back to the floor, but he didn’t swing. Instead, ugly words yanked themselves out of his mouth, “Why the hell did you do that?” But, he wasn’t referring to the fight. “How could you _do_ that? How could you stay away when you knew what it would do to us? You were all I had, and then you were gone and I was _alone_. I was so… so fucking alone. I had nothing and I felt nothing, and I _was_ nothing. You have _no_ idea what that was like! And then… and then finally, _finally_ I was starting to not feel so alone and you showed back up out of thin air trying to take everything away from me again!” His chest was heaving and his vision was blurred, but he wasn’t done. Aiden was no longer smiling.

“And you, you’re so fucking selfish that all you want to do is leave again! Why don’t any of us matter to you? Why don’t I matter to you?”

Aiden moved then, throwing Connor off of him once again, but Connor was suddenly too exhausted to go for him again. So, he just sat there, trying to calm his breathing and blinking the wetness out of his eyes. 

Aiden only frowned at him for a long moment before saying “You do matter to me.” His voice was lower as he wiped the blood from his face.

A joyless laugh left Connor. “Yeah, right.”

Fleeting anger entered Aiden’s eyes before it died and he merely frowned. “I’m sorry I hurt you.” 

He sounded genuine, but there was still a war going on inside of Connor and he wasn’t inclined to believe him just yet.

“Look, I wasn’t lying when I said I was afraid of them and I wanted to protect you. They are dangerous people. But, that wasn’t the whole reason I stayed. It was like, I don’t know, they wanted me there, you know? rA9 is a goddamn farce, but I had real friends there. I know it may be hard for you to believe, but I never fit in as well as you thought.”

This didn’t seem right. Connor was always the outsider. _He_ was the one who struggled to understand people and to have people understand him. But, Aiden continued.

“Everything I’ve ever had, I had to work so _fucking_ hard for. Somehow, it was easier to lie about believing in a false god than to come back to my life here. I didn’t want to go to school and I didn’t want to follow in Dad’s footsteps, and I didn’t want to do anything everyone expected of me. I mean, no matter what I did, I wasn’t going to be as good as you, anyway.” It surprised Connor to hear his own fear of never measuring up to his twin thrown back at him and he didn’t know what to make of it. “I know that sounds stupid, and I know it’s not an excuse. But, I truly am sorry for the pain I caused you. You didn’t deserve it.

“So, so hate me all you want. I think you should. You always saw this… idolized version of me and I let you because I loved it. But, I’m not a good person, Connor. You should know that. Be angry with me, be furious. But, don’t be nothing. Because you are _not_ nothing and you never have been.” 

They were quiet for a moment and Connor had to contemplate a lot of things. For one, he was definitely not feeling nothing anymore and even though he was angry and upset, he almost felt good. Almost.

“I don’t hate you, Nines. I just miss you.” As angry as he was, Connor could never truly hate his brother. Maybe he only missed who he’d thought Aiden had been, but the sentiment still stood.

“Please, don’t call me that.” Aiden ran a shaky hand through his hair.

Even though it didn’t matter, especially not right now, Connor couldn’t help asking, “Why not? Are you going to tell me that you secretly hated it all along?”

With a heavy sigh, Aiden shook his head. “No. It was a dumb nickname, but I liked it. It’s just… when they take you in to the Church, they give you an opportunity to give your new life a new name. Not everyone does it, but… I chose Nines because I thought it would remind me of you and…. I don’t know, make me feel more sane. But, I guess now I kind of hate it. Sorry.”

Connor wasn’t sure why he was apologizing, but this revelation, as small as it was, made him think maybe Aiden wasn’t lying after all about not wanting to hurt him. He’d read about people intentionally riling others up to get a reaction, and Aiden’s vitriolic prodding had most likely been just that. Connor supposed he should have felt foolish for falling for it, but he found himself not minding.

“For what it’s worth,” Aiden continued, “I didn’t know what you guys were going through. I avoided finding out because I didn’t want to know. Until I saw you at that stupid party. I don’t know, it was like you were real again and I couldn’t get you out of my head. And I think, after that, any good will I had towards the Church started to fall away. And then your Detective friend was chasing me and he said your name and it was like I had no choice but to come back.”

Connor snorted at this, surprised by the genuine amusement he felt at this last statement. “Are you saying you let yourself get arrested?” 

A shadow of his smug smile made its way on Aiden’s face as he answered, “Maybe.” 

Connor shook his head at this, deciding it would be best to not let Gavin know. He wouldn’t be too happy about it. “You really are the worst.” But there was no malice in his voice as he said it.

“Yeah.” Aiden agreed with a low sigh. “But, you’re wrong about one thing. I don’t want to leave again. If I never go back to that place, it’ll be too soon. For the first time in… a long time, I’m actually where I want to be.”

Connor couldn’t help himself as he quipped, “You want to be bleeding on the living room floor?”

Aiden’s smile turned more real as he answered, “Definitely. You know, you throw a mean right hook.”

Despite himself, Connor felt his own tiny smile forming. “Well, I learned from the best.”

Aiden’s expression turned sad at this as he said, “Yeah. I should be easier on him.”

Connor nodded in agreement, “I’m not the only one who’s had it hard since you were taken. I’m not mad at him, you know. For any of it. You shouldn’t be, either.”

The corner of Aiden’s mouth tipped upwards, “As I said, you’re a better person than I am.”

He stood then, offering Connor a helping hand up. When they were both on their feet, Hank walked through the front door and stopped when he saw them.

“The hell happened to your face?” He asked Aiden who, for the first time since he’d come home, seemed abashed.

“I hit him.” Connor stated simply.

“What the _hell_?”

But, Aiden burst into laughter at this and their father’s confused face dissolved a lot of the remaining tension from their fight. 

No, Connor wasn’t done being angry with his brother. No, he didn’t think he was completely alright. But, it was a hell of a lot better than being nothing, at all. So, he accepted it.


	9. Chapter 9

“Oh, for the love of Christ.” 

Why the hell was someone knocking at his door when he was _finally_ going to be able to get some sleep? Nevermind that it was 3 pm and sunny as shit outside. Gavin Reed was determined to get some goddamned sleep even if it killed him. 

Furious, he stormed to the door, not bothering to look at who it was before he yanked it open, prepared to yell profanities when he saw who was standing there.

“Oh, shit, Connor. And… Chris.” The latter was a few steps back, still in uniform, and looking like he was coming off a long shift.

“I’m merely the chauffeur.” He said.

“I told him he didn’t have to walk me to the door, but he insisted,” Connor said somewhat sheepishly.

Gavin, already deflated, gave Chris an appreciative smile and said, “Thanks, man.”

“No worries.” Chris’s tired smile was genuine. “Just doing my job. I’ll see you gentlemen later.” With that, he tipped his hat and left.

Gavin stepped back to let Connor inside, closing the door behind him. “Hey, what brings you here?” He couldn’t help being worried for him after he hadn’t come to the station that morning.

“I wanted to see you.” Connor’s small smile was genuine and he seemed different than he had in the car the night before.

“Are you alright?” Gavin asked, not sure what to make of it.

“Yeah,” Connor said, and for some reason, Gavin actually believed him. “I’m… angry.”

“Oh. Uh, that’s… good?” He really didn’t know how to handle this situation and could not for the life of him understand why Connor wanted to come here right now.

“It is.” Connor confirmed. “But, I’m also sad. And happy. Somewhat. At least, I think I am. I’m not sure. I was hoping you’d help me figure it out.” 

Gavin couldn’t help a snort at this. “Babe, I haven’t been able to properly process my own emotions in probably twenty years, but sure I’ll try.” 

Even if Connor hadn’t come here purely because he’d wanted to see Gavin (which stung a little bit maybe), he was happy to see him all the same.

Not that he was happy to hear that he was sad and angry.

“Thank you.” The relief in Connor’s voice made him sigh and he motioned for the boy to follow.

“I find the best place to sort out your feelings is in bed. And I’m not just saying that because I feel like passing out.” 

Connor seemed somewhat confused at this but followed anyway. Still, he stood awkwardly as Gavin flopped onto the mattress. 

“Why don’t you join me, hot stuff?” He asked, patting the empty space next to him. “Don’t worry, the sheets are clean. I haven’t exactly had a lot of time to sleep in them the past few days.” 

Are you sure?” Connor asked, and his obvious anxiety made Gavin realize that he’d probably never shared a bed with anyone before.

“Yeah, I don’t bite. We’re just laying down. Nothing else. Promise.” 

Connor hesitated for only a moment longer before giving in. Taking off his shoes, he laid down gingerly on his side, eyeing Gavin as he did so.

The detective took this time to situate himself comfortably to face his companion, and let out a deep breath once they’d both settled.

“So,” He started, interrupted by a yawn, “What would you like to ask?”

“Maybe I should wait.” Connor replied unexpectedly. “You’re exhausted.” 

“Dunno what you’re talking about.” Gavin muttered, ignoring the urge to close his eyes.

A sad smile found its way on Connor’s face causing a twinge in Gavin’s heart. “You need to take better care of yourself.”

“Nah. I’m so-“ Another yawn he couldn’t control. “into self-care.”

Connor shook his head lightly, and maybe it was the sleep pulling at Gavin’s edges, but he found a deep fondness in those brown eyes that he didn’t think anyone had ever shown him before. Somewhere in his chest, that familiar ache flared up again.

“Go to sleep, Gav.” Connor said, voice low but firm.

He knew it was only a matter of time before his eyes were going to close without his permission, so he didn’t argue. Instead, he quietly pleaded, “Don’t leave, yeah?”

Reaching out to take Gavin’s hand in his, Connor answered, “I won’t.”

As with most of the things Connor said to him, Gavin could feel the earnestness in his voice, so finally he let his eyelids come together and unconsciousness took him almost instantly.

—-

He didn’t remember falling asleep, but when he awoke, darkness had fallen. Once his eyes adjusted to it, he found Gavin’s sleeping figure next to him. For a moment, he merely watched as Gavin’s chest slowly rose and fell with his breathing and Connor wondered if this was how it always felt to wake up next to someone.

He contemplated the tightness in his chest, and the urge to move closer. Connor had never wanted to be held in his life, except maybe as a toddler, though he couldn’t remember many instances where it had occurred. His mother had died before he could remember her, and his father had never been very good at physical affection.

Now though, as he studied Gavin’s uncharacteristically serene face, he found he very much wanted the other man to wake and to wrap his arms tightly around him. Connor didn’t often crave human contact, but as foreign as it was, it didn’t make it any less intense. 

He didn’t know what this meant. He didn’t know why just laying next to Gavin was calming in itself. He didn’t know why his heart stuttered every time he thought of their few shared kisses. And he didn’t know why he wanted so badly to fold into him and forget the rest of the world.

All he did know was that he didn’t think he could handle it if Gavin were to leave. Even if Aiden had never come back, and Connor’s carefully crafted life hadn’t been torn apart, he didn’t think he could go back to being alone. He’d been so hollow for so long, and for the first time in a very long time, he felt like he was starting to become more human.

Not to say that he was any good at it, but now that he’d started to warm up, to shed the cold emotionless exterior, he didn’t want to go back to it. 

Aiden’s approach to shattering the wall of ice had been brutal and violent. And yes, it had worked to break what had begun to refreeze, but it was here in these little moments with Gavin that the wall would really start to thaw.

As if he could sense that Connor was thinking of him, Gavin began to stir. Blinking, his eyes focused on Connor and he shifted so that he was facing him.

“You starin’ at me?” Gavin asked, voice deep from sleep. It made Connor’s heart jump, though he wasn’t sure why.

“Sorry.” He replied automatically. “Does it make you uncomfortable?”

Gavin’s lip tilted upward as he replied, “No. I like it when you look at me.”

It was when he said things like that, or when he constantly reminded him that being himself was _okay_ that Connor wanted nothing more than to latch on to Gavin and never let go. Though, he didn’t think he’d be able to put this into words.

Instead, he simply said, “Oh. Most people don’t.”

“Lucky for you,” Gavin reached out, touching the tip of Connor’s nose with his index finger, “I’m not most people.” He frowned a little to himself as he added, “Or unlucky, depending on how you look at it.”

Connor had to stifle the urge to huff at the self-deprecating remark. He’d come to expect them, but it didn’t mean he liked them when they happened. He just wished he was better at interacting with people. If he was, maybe he could figure out a way to get Gavin to stop, and to realize just how incredible he was.

“Definitely not unlucky.” Was the only thing he could think to say, and he knew, even as Gavin muttered a ‘thanks’, that the Detective didn’t believe him. He didn’t know why, but it hurt to know how lowly Gavin thought of himself. It wasn’t fair. Maybe one day, Connor would be able to help fix it, but for now all he could do was vehemently disagree with every untrue comment.

Silence settled over them for a moment before Gavin asked, “You doin’ okay, babe?”

Guiltily, Connor wondered when the last time was that he’d asked Gavin the same question. Was it selfish of him to be so focused on only his problems, despite the fact that Gavin seemed to be so deeply ingrained in them as well? Maybe, but instead of doing anything about it, he simply answered the question.

“I think so?” Well, it wasn’t so much of an answer as it was a guess. While he didn’t quite feel like a robot anymore, Connor wasn’t sure if the word ‘okay’ could be used. At least not right now.

Gavin raised an eyebrow at this, clearly unsatisfied. “Did something happen?”

Ah, yes, he was a detective, after all. Not that it was probably too difficult to figure out.

“Aiden and I got into a fight.” It was technically true, at least.

Surprise lit up Gavin’s face as he swore, “Son of a bitch. Is he okay, or did you kick his ass?” 

While Connor appreciated the confidence in his physical ability, he didn’t want to mention how Aiden would have easily bested him if he’d been trying. 

“I think he has a few bruises.” Connor muttered. “But, he let me hit him.” 

When confusion nestled its way onto Gavin’s expression, Connor explained what had happened to the best of his ability. It had felt good to attack Aiden, to scream at him for something that hadn’t entirely been his fault. Maybe it was cruel, but it was true.

“I see.” Gavin said when Connor was finished. “Do you want me to kick his ass for you? Because I totally would. _And_ I have an expensive taser that I don’t get to use often enough.”

Despite himself, Connor chuckled at this. “No, thank you. I don’t think that would make me feel any better.” The humor left his face as he looked away, “I’ve just been thinking since then.”

Gavin reached forward and took Connor’s hand in his, lacing their fingers together. He hadn’t realized he’d needed the contact, and he clutched the other man tightly. 

“Thinking?” Gavin echoed in question.

Connor took a deep breath, hoping he could find the right words to describe it and hoping he wouldn’t sound like a rambling idiot.

“I’ve just been feeling… something, since the fight. I don’t know exactly what. But, it’s made me think about how… how I never really mourned Aiden after he died. Or, well, after I thought he did.” He finally looked up to find Gavin’s eyes again. He was attentive and open and it helped Connor continue. “Even at his funeral, I didn’t cry. I just stood there. Sometimes, after, I would go into Aiden’s room at night, but I never cried. I just laid there. Maybe it’s because deep down somewhere, I knew he wasn’t dead. But, I don’t know. Does that make sense? I mean, even if he wasn’t dead, he was still gone.” Gavin was still silent, so Connor kept going. “My father cried. Sometimes, he would lock himself in his room and I think he’d try to be quiet, but then he’d get angry and I could hear things being thrown around. He never did it in front of me, but I always wondered if it made him feel better. Sometimes, I’d think about throwing things, too. But, I could never bring myself to do it.”

Connor was quiet for a moment, contemplating his memories. Even now, thinking on that time was painful. He wished he could go back in time and tell his past self that Aiden was alive. But, even if he could, how much would it have changed?

“So, I’ve been wondering,” Connor went on, “Would it be stupid to mourn now? I mean, I’m supposed to be happy now that he’s back, right? Why would I want to cry for someone who’s here?”

Gavin’s eyes were sad as he finally spoke up. “I don’t think it would be stupid. Hell, if you want to throw some of my shit around, you’re welcome to. It’s not like I own anything nice.” Connor appreciated the attempt at humor.

“I don’t want to throw anything.” He said, wondering why everyone around him wanted to resort to violence so much. Connor supposed maybe it was just easier to hit someone or throw something, but that wasn’t what he wanted. 

“Then, what do you want to do?” Gavin asked, serious once more. “Do you want to cry?” He wasn’t mocking, so Connor felt confident enough to answer.

“I think so. But, I’m afraid.” It was hard to admit, but the kindness in Gavin’s eyes made it easier.

“Why are you afraid? I’m not gonna laugh at you or anything. Unless you wanna be left alone. I can go hang out on the couch.”

Connor’s grip on his hand tightened. “No.” He answered, probably a little too intensely. “I don’t want to be alone. I’m _tired_ of being alone. You have no idea.”

Something sparked in Gavin’s eyes at this and he replied, “You’d be surprised.”

Okay, maybe that hadn’t been fair. After all, it wasn’t like Connor wasn’t aware of just how few other people were in Gavin’s life. At least Connor had had his father. “Sorry.” He mumbled.

With a small squeeze of their hands, Gavin shook his head, “Don’t be. I’m exceptionally good at hiding it.” 

Connor couldn’t help rolling his eyes at this, “Sure you are.”

“You didn’t answer my question.” Gavin said, tugging on his arm a little. “Why are you afraid?”

Taking in a deep breath, Connor looked to their hands, studying them intently as he spoke, “I’m afraid that… that once I start, I’ll never stop. I don’t think I’ll know how to stop. And, strictly speaking, if I cried for too long, I’d most likely die of dehydration and that doesn’t sound pleasant in the least.”

Gavin made a noise somewhere between a laugh and a cough and Connor couldn’t help looking back to him at this. “Don’t worry,” He said, offering a small smile, “I’ve got water. I wouldn’t let you die.”

It was another attempt at lightheartedness and Connor appreciated it. Maybe he _could_ let himself let go. There was a dam inside of him, one he hadn’t even realized he’d constructed in the first place. And there had been holes forming inside of it since his father had called him to tell him Aiden was alive. He didn’t know how many more cracks it could take before it broke completely. At least here and now, Connor could somewhat control it. Not to mention he trusted Gavin. Maybe he could trust him enough to keep Connor from drowning in the tide.

The problem was, he wasn’t sure how to bust the dam on his own. Did he even remember how to cry? It had been so long that maybe he’d forgotten.

“Have you ever cried like that?” The thought of Gavin feeling like this didn’t exactly make him happy, but it might be nice if he understood.

Gavin shifted, looking away as he answered, “Yeah.” Connor wondered if he was seeing the moment in his memory as he stared at the sheets. “Once. It was after my mother died. Even though I think I hated her, it was still… hard.”

Connor supposed he understood. She had been his mother, after all, and Gavin was a normal person. Normal people were sad when their family members died.

“Do you ever wish she was still alive?” Connor asked, more to suit his own curiosity than anything.

Gavin looked back to him as he replied, “Sometimes. But, mostly, I’m glad she’s gone. Life with my father was never easy, not even for her.”

Connor was quiet for a moment before he admitted, “Part of me wishes Aiden was still gone.” He felt guilty admitting it, but it didn’t make it any less true. “As ridiculous as it sounds, I think it was easier to think he was dead because he’s not the same. He’s still Aiden, but he’s not.”

“I get it.” Gavin said, though Connor wasn’t sure if he actually did or if he was just trying to be supportive.

Connor was quiet for a long moment hoping that somehow he would magically be able to let go, yet the only thing he accomplished was staring at his friend’s tee shirt. Gavin let the silence stand and it was unusual not to hear him try to quickly fill it with what the Detective considered humor, but it was nice all the same. 

Finally, Connor spoke up to say, “This is hard.” 

The pity in Gavin’s eyes sat uncomfortably on Connor’s heart, but he ignored it as the man replied, “I’m not surprised. Is there anything I can do?”

Maybe Connor should let Gavin hit _him_ for once. Maybe it would trigger some kind of reaction. Though, he figured asking would be pointless.

“I don’t know.” Connor answered truthfully. As many things as he’d spent countless hours reading about, how to make yourself cry was not one of them.

They were quiet once again before Gavin’s expression changed to something Connor couldn’t quite make out before he spoke, “Well, uh, there’s something I wanna tell you, then. Since we’re… here.” 

Connor wasn’t sure what that meant, and as Gavin slowly sat up, shifting to look down at him, legs crossed, he was only more confused. Maybe he should sit up too, but he didn’t feel like moving, so he merely peered up at the man who was suddenly looking quite nervous.

“What is it?” He asked, voice barely above a whisper as Gavin’s anxiety bled into his own mind.

Gavin took a deep breath, running a hand through his hair, and said, “I’ve been thinking- scary, I know,” Connor didn’t really find that scary, but his tone suggested Gavin was trying to break the tension with a bad joke. As he was finally beginning to get used to this, he ignored it and let the man continue. “And, well… I don’t know if you’ve noticed but, uh, I don’t keep a lot of people around. It’s just… most of them aren’t worth it, you know? I mean… everyone has their own shit and I can never like, bring myself to deal with it. And… and for a while I wasn’t sure why I was willing to deal with your shit. Because it’s like… I didn’t have to. I knew I didn’t have to. But I wanted to and I still do. Because like, you’re you, you know?” 

The utter confusion Connor was feeling as he tried to follow along must have shown on his face, because Gavin let out a frustrated sigh, rubbing his face and muttering, “Fuck, sorry. I’m not making any goddamn sense.”

“Sorry.” Connor said, though he wasn’t sure why. An automatic response. Gavin just gave him a half smile, shaking his head.

“It’s little shit like that. You have no reason to be sorry because I can’t say this shit like a normal fucking person, but you are anyway. Do you get it?”

Connor frowned, “Not really.”

Another deep breath and Gavin finally seemed to be able to say what he’d been dancing around. “I think I fucking love you, Connor.” He paused and Connor was too surprised to breathe, let alone reply. “No. I don’t think. I know. I love you. I’ve never loved anyone before. Not like this, so at first I didn’t realize that’s what it was. But... I’m sure now. And I have no idea what to do about it, but… it’s there. And uh, I figured you should know. You deserve that much.” He looked away then, as if afraid of how Connor would react.

The young man wasn’t sure _how_ to react to it if he was being honest. No one had ever said that to him outside of his father and brother. What did you say to someone when they did? Should he say it back? Would he mean it if he did? Was that the word to describe how he felt about this prickly man whom he’d finally been able to pull all the quills from? 

He could see the anticipation on Gavin’s face as he waited for Connor’s response, even as he stared intently at the sheets he was twisting in his hands. He wanted to say the right thing, to make Gavin happy and in turn make himself happy, but he didn’t know what that thing was. God, this would be so much easier to understand if he was a normal person who could process their own feelings.

In the end, what he settled on was, “Oh.” Possibly the worst thing he would say.

The disappointment- no, not disappointment: pain- was plain in Gavin’s eyes for a split second before he covered it with a fake smile that he aimed at Connor. “Yeah. Sorry I’m such a fuckin’ idiot about it.” 

Feeling like he’d done something horribly wrong, Connor shook his head, “You’re not-” But he was cut off as Gavin started to get up.

“I gotta piss.” He said, not looking at Connor. “I’ll be right back.” With that he stalked into the bathroom and closed the door.

Panic immediately began to spread throughout Connor. Oh no. He’d messed up. He should have found something better to say. He shouldn’t be such a goddamn freak. Why? Why couldn’t he be a real person with real emotions that could say what they needed to when they needed to? Why did he have to ruin every single relationship he’d ever had? 

His chest began to rise and fall rapidly as he realized he was having a hard time breathing. Stumbling a little, Connor stood up, wanting to find a place with more air. As if in a trance, he made his way to the living room and began climbing out onto the fire escape. The cool nighttime breeze hit his face and he was finally able to slow his breathing as he clutched the railing, eyes shut tightly.

God, what was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he just be happy when he was supposed to? That’s what happened when someone loved you, right? It made you happy? Maybe he would be happy if he wasn’t already feeling a thousand other confusing things right now. Nothing in his life was going according to plan and Connor didn’t know how much more of it he could take. He’d tried so hard for so long to make things simple, easy, routine. But, no matter how hard he tried, it never ended up that way. Now, here he stood, ruining the one good thing to happen to him since he could remember, all because he couldn’t control himself and the things around him. Feeling nothing was better than this, because this _hurt_. Everything hurt, and for the first time, Connor wondered if he was better off when nothing felt like anything at all.

Vaguely, he could hear the window sliding open behind him, but he didn’t open his eyes, he didn’t move, afraid that if he did, he might dissolve into nothing.

“Jesus, I thought you left. Don’t scare me like that.” Gavin’s voice was gruff as he made his way onto the fire escape. “Look, I’m sorry I sprung that on- shit, are you okay?” 

God, he was so tired of people asking him that, because the answer was no. Of course he wasn’t okay. As desperately as he wanted to be, he wasn’t. And maybe he never had been. There was something fundamentally wrong with him and try as he might, he couldn’t fix it. Gavin didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve to have to put up with Connor’s shit. It wasn’t fair. Still, he found himself saying, “Don’t leave me. Please.” 

He couldn’t see Gavin as his eyes were still clenched shut, but he could hear the confusion in his voice as he responded, “Leave you? Why would I do that? Didn’t you hear what I just so eloquently said to you?”

“I heard you.” Connor said, finally opening his eyes and looking at the shorter man. Here, under the pale moonlight, his hair still mussed from sleep, he looked beautiful. His light eyes almost seemed to shine with the reflection of the city lights and it only made his sad and confused expression more painful. “How do you know that you love me?”

The question seemed to take him aback and Gavin frowned deeper. “I… I don’t know, I just do. Look, I’m not good at this mushy shit so I can’t sit here and describe to you every little thing you do that makes me go fuckin’ batshit, but I know how I feel.”

This hit Connor with a sense of jealousy he hadn’t expected. “I don’t know how I feel. I never do. And I can never seem to get it right. No matter how hard I try, and then… people leave me. My mother, my brother, hell my father tried to. I can’t ever get it right.”

A multitude of emotions crossed Gavin’s face at this before he settled on determination. “Connor, none of that was your fault.”

“Wasn’t it?” He felt himself laugh, even though nothing could be less funny than this. When he felt himself starting to shake, he knew it wasn’t laughter that did it.

“ _No._ ” Gavin said, more firmly than even his father could manage in the one syllable.

“If you leave, I-I don’t k-know if I could-”

“ _Stop._ ” Gavin cut him off just as firmly. The juxtaposition with how softly he then took Connor’s face in his hands only served to make him shake even harder. “I’m not going anywhere, you hear me? It doesn’t matter if you don’t know how you feel about me. You’re stuck with me.”

And with that it was like Gavin had sent a wrecking ball through the dam inside of him and before he knew it, Connor was falling to his knees, Gavin going with him to catch him. Clutching at the only person who’d ever cared to stay like his life depended on it, Connor finally let out every single sob he’d held inside of him since he was a child. As terrifying as it was, he knew Gavin would be there the whole time to keep him afloat, so he let the flood wash over him and he let go.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who even knows what I’m doing with my life anymore, but here’s another chapter. It’s kinda short, but that’s just how it ended up. Sorry.

The window sliding open barely caused a noise, but it was enough to wake him. His body went tight as he listened to the soft rustling in the dark room. He’d closed the curtains tightly before he’d gone to sleep, but as he opened his eyes, he saw the shadow of them sway in the moonlight. Shit. Why hadn’t he stolen one of his father’s revolvers that he _knew_ the old man kept in a safe under his bed? He’d gotten too comfortable. It was stupid. Now he would have to deal with his own stupid actions.

But, that didn’t mean he would be going down without a fight. 

Whomever had made the mistake of sneaking into his room was drawing nearer and nearer until Aiden felt them touch his shoulder. The contact was like a jolt of lightning that sprung him into action. He shoved himself up and lunged at the figure, knocking them to the ground and pinning them on their back with all the grace he’d been taught over the past eight years. The only sounds were the thump of his attacker hitting the ground and the light “oof” of surprise. 

Then the person let out a light chuckle as they muttered, “Yeah, it was stupid of me to try getting the jump on you.”

The voice was as familiar as his own and Aiden ripped the ugly rA9 mask from his face to reveal, “Markus. So, it’s you she sent after me.” The disappointment poked at him. It would be a lot harder to fight his friend. Maybe if it had been North, it would be easier. “Is North here? Simon? Josh?” 

“I volunteered to come get you.” Markus replied, his constant easy smile seeming so out of place in this situation. “And no, they’re not here. It’s just me.” It was hard to imagine Markus going anywhere without his most dedicated groupies, but Aiden was glad of it. As much as he cared for Markus, he’d never much liked his closest friends. “I wanted to be the one to bring you home. After all, it was my fault that you were captured in the first place.”

Aiden recalled the night he’d been arrested. It had been the both of them out on a mission. Aiden had been the one who’d been careless, and who’d gotten them spotted, but of course Markus would blame himself. 

Putting his feelings in a box as he so often had, Aiden narrowed his eyes. “I’m not going back.”

A deep frown made its way on Markus’ face at this. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

With a heavy sigh, Aiden stood, offering a hand to help his friend up. Maybe he could talk some sense into him instead of resorting to blows. He _was_ somewhat of a diplomat, after all. Amanda had said as much once, and for all of her faults, she was rarely wrong about her children.

As he stood, Markus crossed his arms, giving Aiden his famous ‘disapproving father’ look. He’d always hated being on the receiving end of it.

Crossing his own arms, Aiden stood tall, not wanting to seem affected. “I don’t want to go back.”

“What do you mean you don’t want to go back? Nines, what have they done to you?” 

The flinch was involuntary and Aiden cursed himself for letting it happen. He’d been out of the church for three days and he was already letting himself get lazy. Stupid. But, he couldn’t help the image of Connor using the nickname in the interrogation room and the look on his face when Aiden had snapped at him. As much as he’d covered it up, everything about that moment had been overwhelming. As he tried to push this from his mind, he continued.

“They haven’t done anything to me. I’ve decided to leave the church.”

Something akin to hurt passed on Markus’ face before he let out a low laugh, “Don’t be an idiot, Nines. You know no one leaves the church. Why would you even want to?”

Markus had been the one person that Aiden had gravitated towards when he’d first been indoctrinated. Even from the first moment, he’d always seemed so sure that the Church was the place they were all meant to be. He believed in everything it stood for, and Aiden had always craved that sense of belonging. For a long time, he’d tried to believe in Markus and his faith. After all, it was so easy to follow him. He had a way of drawing you in with his words and his kindness and his ideas. And Aiden had always felt special, because Markus believed in him, too. There were so many of their brothers and sisters who would kill to be in their little group, the Apostles’ favorites. 

But, Aiden had never cared about being a favorite. He’d only ever cared about his friend, despite their differences in opinion. Aiden truly believed that he was a good person who’d been caught up in the grand ideas of the religion. And hell, maybe if Markus was the leader of the church, Aiden would buy into every single thing about it. But, he wasn’t, and Aiden knew better.

Which was why it was so painful to go against him.

“Markus… don’t you miss your family?” Maybe appealing to the side of him that had been separate from the church would help his case.

Confusion crossed his features as he responded, “The Chosen?”

Aiden successfully suppressed a huff as he said, “No, not the Chosen. Your father and your brother. The people who raised you. Don’t you want to go home?”

Somewhere in his mismatched eyes, Aiden could see Markus struggling, but it was quickly squashed, “The Church _is_ my home. As it’s also yours.”

“No. It’s a cage. Not a home. Don’t tell me that you’ve never felt it.”

Markus shook his head, lifting his hand to his forehead like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. As much as Aiden had previously played along with him, he probably couldn’t. When he’d told that obtuse police detective that he’d had to pretend perfectly every single day, he hadn’t been lying. Some days it was easier, and it always seemed to be easiest when he was around Markus. So to hear Aiden so blatantly go against everything he’d spent years saying he believed in must not have been easy for him. There were very few people in the world that Aiden cared about hurting, and Markus was one of them. So, it hurt to do this.

“This isn’t you, Nines.” Markus looked up, worry plaguing his features. “Are they threatening you? Or the Church? We can handle them.”

Shaking his head, Aiden held out a hand to stop him before he could think of ways to ‘handle’ anyone. “No. My family would never threaten me. And the police, as much as it pains me to say it, have our best interests in mind.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that Mother has been lying to us, Markus. The police aren’t trying to steal us or suppress our faith or any of that bullshit she’s been spewing.” His tone was still hushed to keep from waking his father, but he couldn’t help letting frustration slip into his words.

Markus didn’t like this at all, and began staring at Aiden in disbelief and sorrow. “Stop it.” He said, voice low but sharp. “You don’t mean this.”

“I do, Markus. We’re being lied to. Mother is just using us. Somewhere deep down you have to know that.” There had to be some part of him that missed his old life, some part that knew just how fucked up their lives had gotten.

“ _Stop it_.” He repeated through clenched teeth. 

“We were taken from our homes without our consent and forced into a farce by narcissists who want to feel powerful. It’s not real!” If he could just get Markus to understand. If he could get him on his side, then the others would follow suit. Everyone loved Markus. Everyone believed in him. If he could be convinced that Amanda and Kamski were using all of them, maybe they could do something to stop them.

But brainwashing is a powerful tool and even the best of people can succumb to it.

Faster than even Aiden himself is capable, Markus shoved him, pinning him against the wall. The pain in his spine from the impact stayed in the back of his mind as Aiden looked into his friend’s multi-colored eyes. They were so impossibly sad that Aiden actually felt guilty for the things he was saying, despite how true they were.

“What has happened to you, my friend? You couldn’t possibly be suggesting what I think you’re suggesting because we both know what will happen if you are, and I don't want that at all. It’s you and me, remember? We’re going to lead the Church into the new age. Together.”

“I’m sorry, Markus.” Aiden wondered if he’d ever meant those words more in his life. “I believe in you, I do. But, I don’t believe in the Church.”

Markus looked like he was fighting with his own thoughts as he said, “No. I refuse to believe that. Because I believe in _you_ , too. And I won’t let you do this to yourself. Come back with me.” He pleaded, eyes almost burning as he did so. “Don’t make me drag you. Because, I will. If this is a test of my loyalty, I will pass it.” 

Something in his words sent a chill down Aiden’s spine. It was a well known fact among the church members that Markus was capable of extraordinary things, but one thing he never seemed to manage was failure.

“Please.” Aiden said, trying to be as intense as his friend, but failing rather spectacularly. “I don’t care what the Apostles will do to me for this, just let me stay.”

“ _I_ care.” Markus was somewhere between furious and heartbroken, and it hit Aiden in the chest like a sledgehammer. “And I’m taking you back home.” His tone was final, and Aiden knew what to expect next. 

He moved as fast as he could to avoid Markus’ fist, which he did by centimeters. Pushing as hard as he could, he was able to get out of Markus’ grip, but he was too close to the other boy, and Markus grabbed his tee shirt, slamming him back into the wall shoulder first. Aiden had been trained to ignore pain, so he didn’t linger on it as he twisted, shoving his hand into Markus’ face to disorient him, which worked enough for Aiden to jump back just out of arm’s reach. 

“Stop this, Nines.” Markus ordered, but it was futile.

“I’m not letting you take me back without a fight.” It wasn’t exactly the biggest space to work with, but Aiden could make it work. Probably. The problem was Markus was a better fighter and Aiden didn’t actually want to hurt him.

Sadness entered Markus’ eyes again, but he showed no signs of backing down. Instead, he lunged forward, but Aiden had trained with him too many times to get caught. He twisted to the side, letting Markus go head first onto his bed. Taking the opportunity, he turned back, attempting to pin Markus, but he recovered too fast, rolling out of the way, and Aiden had to change course before he met the same fate. He put out his hand to stop his fall, glad that the bed was soft, not wanting to think how much his wrist would hurt otherwise.

Markus pulled his arm out from under him, but as his side hit the mattress, Aiden pulled up his knee to keep Markus from pinning him. He kicked him off and was barely able to stand before Markus was on him again, shoving the same shoulder into the dresser.

 _Shit_ that hurt. 

Taking advantage of Aiden’s lapse in movement, Markus threw him to the floor and he landed on his stomach. Before he could get up, he felt Markus’s full weight on him. No. He couldn’t let him win. He wouldn’t go back there. Not even for his closest friend.

“Stop it!” Markus pleaded once again. “Stop fighting me and let me take you home!”

“I _am_ home!” Aiden said, trying his best to throw him off, but it was no use. 

It was then that the door to his bedroom burst open to reveal his father with his handgun pointed straight at Markus. 

“Get the hell off of him before I blow yer fuckin’ head off!” Hank bellowed, nothing but determination in his eyes.

Markus did as he was told, and Aiden pushed himself away, landing in a sitting position facing his friend. Backing towards the window, his hands up, Markus looked to Aiden as he said, “I’ll bring you home, I swear it.”

Hank’s gruff voice sounded from beside Aiden, “Like hell you will.” and Aiden had just enough time to register his father lowering the gun for what it was.

“No!” He shouted, stretching to pull the gun towards the floor before it fired. He registered the fact that it was a stungun and felt foolish for thinking his father would shoot someone in cold blood. When he looked back, Markus was gone, disappearing into the night.

Hank turned on his son as he chided, “Why the hell did you do that? We could have had him!” 

Aiden’s eyes stayed on the window as the blue of police car lights filled the night, and replied, “I’m sorry. I… sorry.” 

Something about seeing Markus again had made him stupid and slow and he realized that he’d done every single thing wrong since he’d woken up. Fuck, some smart prodigy he was. He’d let his emotions get the best of him in every moment that it had mattered and now he could only imagine what Markus would tell the Apostles. He may have just signed his own death warrant.

“Don’t worry, son.” Hank said, offering a hand to help him up. “They boys outside’ll get him.”

“No.” Aiden said, taking his father’s hand. “They won’t.”

\---

It was the low voice that began to dig into his subconscious, slowly but surely pulling him back into the land of the living, no matter how much his body seemed to resist. He couldn’t be certain how long he lay there, halfway between dreams and the reality of Gavin’s bedroom. 

“Oh, _fuck_ me, dude.” 

The sharp exclamation finally pulled him over enough that he could open his eyes. They were dry and painful as he blinked away sleep. More words entered his still weary mind.

“Yes, I _know_ it’s my fucking job, Chen, but can’t you just handle this one part for me?” Gavin was trying to be quiet, but the frustration in his voice was deeper than he probably meant it to be. “ _Because_ ,” Through half opened lids, Connor saw Gavin glance over at him from where he paced at the end of the bed. “Now is probably the worst fucking time for this.”

Gavin was quiet for a moment and Connor was finally awake enough to wonder why he was speaking to his fellow Police Officer, and why he seemed so upset by it.

“ _Fine_ , fine. I’ll be there. Just cover for me for an hour, at least.” He huffed. “Yeah, yeah. I know I’ll owe you. Just… please.” It seemed that Tina finally caved because Connor could hear the relief in Gavin’s voice as he muttered, “Thanks, Tee.” 

It was as he stirred, trying to get a better look at Gavin that Connor realized he had probably the worst headache of his life. His throat, like his eyes, was dry and scratchy and it hurt to swallow. 

“Shit, sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.” Gavin must have ended his call, because he was now sitting gingerly on the side of the bed, looking down at Connor with concern. Orange light illuminated the top of his head as Connor realized the sun must be coming up.

“It’s alright.” Connor barely managed, his voice cracking as he did so. Damn, he hadn’t realized how dehydrated crying for hours on end could make you. Not that it didn’t make sense.

“Here.” Gavin held out a water bottle that Connor hadn’t noticed, and he took it gladly.

It was quiet as Connor sat up enough to down half of the bottle. 

“What’s the matter?” He finally asked when he was sure that speaking wouldn’t feel like rubbing sandpaper on his throat.

Gavin heaved a heavy sigh as he ran a hand through his already messy hair. “Someone broke into your house last night.”

“What?!” Connor sat all the way up quickly, regretting it instantly as he head throbbed and his vision spun. 

Gavin placed a hand on his arm as if to steady him before assuring, “Don’t worry. They’re both fine. I just need to go question them. They said it was someone from the church.”

This didn’t surprise Connor, but knowing his family was safe didn’t make him any less horrified. He started pushing the blankets from his body as he said, “Okay, I’ll get ready.”

The look in Gavin’s eyes was hard to define as he said, “You don’t have to.”

His family had just been attacked, what the hell did Gavin mean he didn’t have to go see them? “I don’t understand.”

Another sigh before Gavin said, “You can stay here. Your father and brother aren’t hurt, there’s nothing you can do for them.” Gavin shifted and the warm glow of the sun turned his green eyes amber and somewhere in the back of his mind, Connor was certain that it was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. “Go back to sleep, babe.” Gavin continued, “Get some rest. Whatever shit storm is brewing will pass. You don’t need to be in the middle of it.” 

Like he wasn’t already? Right here, in the quiet of Gavin’s bedroom, Connor felt like he’d made it into the eye, and as soon as he left, the worst would hit him in full force.

Still, he was utterly exhausted, feeling like he could go back to sleep for a week. Would it really be so bad to just lie back down, surrounded by the safety of Gavin’s things, and let whatever will happen, happen without him? 

“But, you have to go.” Connor hadn’t meant to sound so sad as he spoke, but it seemed it was just another thing he couldn’t control these days.

The sadness was echoed in Gavin’s eyes, still glowing in the sunlight as he nodded, raising a hand to push Connor’s mop of curls from his face. “Yeah. I have to go.”

“I understand.” Connor said, leaning into Gavin’s touch. Just because he understood, didn’t mean he was happy about it. As much as he wanted to escape back into the bliss of unconsciousness, he wanted to do it with Gavin by his side. Still, in this situation, he would rather have Gavin than anyone else looking into the answers.

Gavin’s hand lingered on Connor’s face, thumb brushing over the skin of his cheek as he said, “Don’t worry, babe. I’ll come back as soon as I can.”

Not soon; as soon as he could. Both of them knew it was going to take a while, but knowing didn’t make Connor any more okay with it.

“Just… call me if you find out either one of them are hurt, okay? I want to know. I want to be there if-”

“I’ll let you know.” Gavin cut him off, finally pulling away to stand. “But, I’m serious. Go back to sleep. You look like hell.” The smile he attempted didn’t quite meet his eyes, but he looked away soon enough to start getting ready.

Connor chugged the rest of the water bottle, sat it down on the nightstand and settled back into the pillows. However, he didn’t try to go back to sleep. Instead, he watched the detective as he milled back and forth, the mundane actions of getting ready for work helping to calm Connor’s still frayed nerves. A little bit, at least.

When he was done, Gavin crossed the room to stand next to Connor, leaning close to say, “I told you to go back to sleep.” But his voice was quiet, not really scolding, and he pressed his lips to the younger man’s forehead. The badge around his neck hit Connor in the chest, but he didn’t mind as he pulled on the chain, redirecting Gavin’s lips to his.

As Gavin pulled away, Connor found his eyes, murmuring, “Please make sure they’re safe.”

Gavin pushed hair from Connor’s face once more as he nodded, “As long as you make sure you get some rest.”

Something like a smile found its way on Connor’s expression as he said, “Deal.”

Then Gavin was pulling away and Connor had to clutch at the sheets to keep from grabbing him and pulling him back. He closed his eyes, not to try to sleep, but to keep himself from seeing Gavin leave.

And it was as he heard Gavin’s boots retreat, leaving the bedroom to make their way into the hall, that he quickly sat back up,words burning themselves into his soul like a hot white poker.

“Gavin?!” He called, and those boots turned back, more quickly than they’d left until the man in question had returned to the doorway, worry on his face.

“Yeah?” He asked, clearly eyeing Connor to see if he was alright.

Taking a deep breath, Connor held the other man’s gaze as he said, “I love you, too.”

The worry quickly gave way to surprise, which melted into a half-smile as Gavin tried and failed to hide the delight in his eyes. “Go back to sleep, will you?” The words were dismissive, but his tone was lighter, betraying his happiness.

And now Connor was sure that finally, _finally_ he’d said the right thing. Even better, he’d meant every word of it. 

As Gavin turned to leave again, and Connor heard the door shut behind him, he wondered if maybe he could become human, after all.


End file.
